What Does Your Husband Think?

Ok, Readers. Here’s a big question that you want to know:  

What does my husband, Darin think about all this?

My response is that you have to ask him. He is not one to write a blog post, however. He doesn’t even have Facebook account.

God Bless Him!

I can tell you what I know. I did review the answers with him, in specific to answer your questions about this topic, so I could be sure I was sharing his truth. If I wasn’t me, I would be really curious too, so I think its a very good question.  

What was it like when for Darin when I was at my peak drinking?

The last few years of my drinking were rough. He did a lot of online research. He knew that I would have to come to my conclusion myself. As an “addict” (I hate that word, but you know what I mean), he felt there was little he could do but watch and wait and hope. The most important thing was to not let himself go down with me.

It was incredibly hard to watch someone he loved self destruct. He felt overly responsible for everything. He carried a heavy load. He would worry about the girls and me, when he traveled for work. He would also overly indulge himself, when he was gone, to combat the responsibility he felt at home.

When I was drinking, he didn’t respect me or take me seriously, in a lot of ways, because he didn’t know what was real and what was the wine talking. I was mad at lot of the time and mostly at him.

He felt like he got the worst of me. Everyone else got the best parts. At home with me, drunk and sad, he didn’t get the good.

How has my sobriety changed him?

Darin has always wanted to support me and just hasn’t always known how. On my (new and forever) Day 1, I asked him if he would not drink around me until I made it out of the woods. He was happy to do anything I asked. My final surrender was me sobbing in his arms that things had to change and I needed help. I did not want this to be my story. He was so ready to help. This was the moment he had been waiting for.  

About a month into my sobriety we went on a beach spring break vacation. It was weird and hard for Darin to not drink. It was very unfamiliar. My sobriety has changed his drinking habits too. He has lost weight from not drinking, even though drinking was never a problem for him, like it was for me. This is totally unfair because I am not sure I have lost any weight and I had a drinking problem, but anyway…

By removing alcohol he was surprised at how much he actually drank. He didn’t feel like he drank a lot, but a couple of drinks here or there throughout the week added up to more than he thought.

He is welcoming a new grown up reputation that isn’t party boy too.

For the health and safety of us and our family, it's fairly easy for him to turn down drinks in front of me. He does still go out and drink with his friends. He, of course, can drink in front of me too, but he doesn’t. To be honest. I really appreciate that silent form of solidarity and it does make it easier for me.

I know, I married an angel. Everyone knows this, and it's true.

How has it changed our relationship?

I have become much more confident and clear since ditching the drink. Now, he knows when I am mad. He knows why I am mad. He knows if it's him that I am mad at (usually yes, LOL!)

He can do what he wants with the information, but at least he knows my thoughts and feelings are for real and it's not the wine talking. He respects and trusts what I say. I think the fact that he didn’t before created a wedge between us and gave me another reason to drink more. It was a vicious cycle.   

I have become a much more attractive partner. Being happy, healthy, and inspired looks good on everyone.

He doesn’t carry the weight of the world on his shoulders anymore. I am so happy I have relieved him of this. That wasn’t fair.  

He is really impressed that I was able to quit. He was afraid it would take a real tragedy to turn me around.

He is really, really proud of me.

I am really lucky to have had a partner that stuck with me through the hard times. I am really grateful that I have come out of the darkness with him by my side.