I used to do a lot of drinking when I got home from time away. 

I had a sunken feeling of being home. It felt like Sunday Scaries on steroids. I never knew what to do with myself. I didn’t know how to end the “good timing”. I didn’t know how to transition back to real life.

I didn’t really want to be in real life to be honest.

I wanted more social gatherings to keep my drinking looking normal. I wanted excuses to keep drinking alongside other drinkers. I wasn’t happy at these gatherings, but I wasn’t happy without them either.

This Spring Break we were bummed to leave the 80 degree weather and head back towards snow in our Chicago suburb.

I didn’t want to feel resentful about coming back to my real life, because since getting sober over 4 years ago, I have created a real life I loved, or so I thought.

I am sober now. I own my own coaching business. I love my job. Shouldn’t I feel excited about coming...

When I first quit drinking I wanted everything in my life to stay exactly the same. The only difference would be that I was no longer drinking. I didn’t want anyone to know if I was drinking or not drinking, and I definitely didn’t want it to be the topic of conversation. I feared my relationships would change, or that others would feel uncomfortable around me. I wanted to go on living my life, only somehow secretly not drinking alcohol. 

Now, at 3-years sober, I realize how that was both unrealistic, and not in my best interest. 

Looking back it doesn’t surprise me that I had all of these expectations. I had set myself up to live an unliveable life in many ways. I wanted to go unnoticed and keep everyone around me happy at all times. I also never wanted to feel anything. If I started having an intense feeling, I would get disappointed in myself. It was easier to pretend it didn’t exist. Whatever the feeling was, it had to be wrong, and it was my...