My daughter had an out-of-state weekend soccer tournament last weekend. I love to watch my kids play sports. However, both as a drinker and as a person in early sobriety, these weekend away tournaments were my worst nightmare. From the long drives to the forced socializing, my anxiety is amplified. 

Small talk, travel, hotel lobbies, parenting, and sports can all be triggers. Some of my people-pleasing, competitive, insecure, and perfectionist qualities can really come out in moments like this. 

I dread the long road trips. This tournament was a six-hour drive each way. It’s hard for me to sit still. My back hurts. I need a restroom every half hour. It’s so boring! More importantly, I am not into small talk with the other parents. It feels like torture to me. I feel like everyone already knows each other, and I am the odd (wo)man out. 

As a drinker, I tried to get “in” by drinking the “right” amount alongside near...

One thing that prevented me from addressing my complicated relationship with alcohol for so long was the fear of social stigma. I was also afraid to fail, but I was more afraid of success. If I quit drinking, then what? Then, actually, what? 

I would no longer fit into my social circles. I risked rejection and losing friendships. I would feel ostracized and excluded. I would be left out, alone, misunderstood, and judged. I would not fit into my 20-year marriage anymore. 

My husband and I met at a bar. We were party people. It’s part of what attracted us to each other. It wasn’t fair to him that I was considering changing the game for us without warning. This wasn’t what he signed up for. I was so ashamed. 

I was scared that I would not fit into my neighborhood, my friend group, my happy hour work crew, or any other group or activity I have ever done or ever wanted to do because I would no longer be drinking. I would lose the nearly four decades of...

What happened to my friendships when I got sober?

Navigating friendships and finding people to support you in sobriety can be one of the most challenging parts of getting sober. 

How did my friendships change when I ditched the drink?

I lost people and it hurt.

I have long, complicated, painful, and layered stories of friendships that are now over. There are stories left unwritten. In truth, I still don’t have a full understanding of the endings or what could have been done differently. I am not sure if there’s anyone to blame. I’ve tried blaming myself and I’ve tried blaming them too. 

Endings are sometimes necessary, even when they break your heart. 

I’ve had changes in friendships with people that I love and I always will. I have disconnected with people who have a shared history with me and hold my deepest secrets. There are friends from childhood, who I have drifted from, and these...