Some of my best memories are from some of my biggest drinking moments. 

It’s been helpful to think that my drinking was bad, unhealthy and alcohol took me away from myself. And now that I’ve removed alcohol, I am happy, healthy, free, and all is well. 

Although this is 100% true, it is not the whole truth. 

It is a story that I have been telling myself for years. I had to tell myself this story to get to the place I am at now, which is 5 years sober, happy, and free. 

I could only see it in the solid black and white until now. Any kind of nostalgic thinking or romantic longing about alcohol in my past was too risky. If I idealized the past for too long, I might spiral and land upside down with a bottle in my hand and wine on my lips, once again. 

I quit drinking so many times before I quit drinking. 

With alcohol, decidedly no longer an option for me, I had to march to the drum with a single beat.  The rhythm...