One of the greatest gifts of sobriety, for me, has been the ability to feel joy.

This may sound silly, as alcohol is sold as a rip roaring good time.

I had some good times in my drinking days.

The good times, however, were often clouded by my own shame and fear. 

Now that I am sober,  I have re-learned how to feel childlike joy in everyday moments.  

While drinking, I grew to be afraid of joy. 

It was like if I acknowledged feeling joy, then it would be taken away.

If I looked at my kids sleeping and felt overwhelming gratitude and love for them, it was immediately replaced with “what could go wrong?”

I was afraid to be ok, happy, content. 

It was easier to complain, than to recognize that in this moment, all is well.

We aren’t supposed to feel happiness. 

Who do we think we are? 

It felt like bragging to say,

“things are good, I am happy, healthy, lucky...hashtag blessed!”

It was as if there is only so much of...