At 44 years old, I might be at the halfway point of my life.
My Grandma just passed away at 88 last week.
No one is getting any younger.
My kids are teenagers and I am middle aged.
I am not sure how this all happened so quickly.
Just yesterday I was in high school, and somehow my first born just completed her freshman year.
I know the older I get the more people I will lose.
This is heartbreaking in so many ways.
I also know age is a gift and not everyone gets it.
I have lost friends and family my age and younger.
Losing people that I love has changed me forever.
The silver lining of grief is the ability to cherish what you have , when you have it.
Death is inevitable.
Because I have experienced so much loss, I know my moments matter.
They could be taken away at any time.
Nothing is guaranteed.
Loved ones have been unexpectedly ripped away from me without warning.
This broke my heart.
It has also given me an added appreciation for life, love, and relationships.
With age and loss, I have come to know I am making memories
...while I am making them.
Staying present and being fully alive, helps me to manage anxiety about death.
Getting sober is my #1 tool for being alive.
I am not wasting any moments anymore.
I am not blacking out my life.
I am not wasting time buzzed, drunk, or hungover.
I am not preoccupied in my own head about my dependence on alcohol for a good time or connection.
I am clear headed, fully alive, present, and accounted for.
Sure you can try to drown out grief with alcohol.
I did that for years,
But it never went away.
I finally have allowed grief to move through me.
I carry my lost loved ones with me, and I treasure the ones I still have.
And most importantly I am not a live left unlived.