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Living Alongside Fear

Uncategorized Jul 22, 2019

I am trying to do a thing and it terrifies me. 

Today, I am hosting my first webinar. And its LIVE. 

And my sister in law has a serious doctor appointment today and so I am picking up her kids from daycare. They are 2 and 5 years old. 

The 2 year old makes my dog very nervous. 

So I will have 2 little ones and a nervous dog in the house for my first LIVE webinar. 

Plus two teenage daughters, who are typically pretty helpful, but its the end of the summer and it might kinda depend on the day.

My husband is traveling for work.

The timing of all this is such, that everyone will be hungry while I try to host these webinars. 

When I went to test all the technology today, none of it was working. 

Actually, it all disappeared completely. 

So on the day of my first webinar, I had NO webinar and none of the registrant links worked.

I am so beyond grateful that people are showing up for this and then I just thanked them with a sketchy link that doesn’t work and maybe added some frustration to their day and mine. 

Turns out I had to pay twice, of course, for everything to work as it should. I spend more than I make in my business right now as I am just starting out, so this all sucks. 

What if no one shows up? 

What if nothing works? 

What if everything works and people show up and then the dog pushes the 2 year old over and she gets hurt and cries during the LIVE webinar?

Even worse, what if the 2 year old actually gets really hurt?  

What if its the dog's fault?

What if I never make money?

What if my sister in law isn’t ok? 

These are a few of the fears I have. 

What if one person shows up and I am able to provide some support to them? 

What if that person wants to buy my class because my information was useful? 

What if I am able to help 1 person on their path to a more comfortable relationship with alcohol? 

I have done this. I have helped someone. This is why it is worth it.

All the fears, headaches, worries, dealing with bad customer service, and annoying technology is worth it because my experience has been a valuable piece in someone's journey. 

The 2 year old will probably ok, she's very resilient.

Odd are, the dog will behave, he usually does.

My sister in law will be ok too.  

My teenagers will help and the webinar will likely go off without a hitch.

Even if it doesn’t, I will learn something. 

I have my husband to tell all about it when he gets home.

I ran a ½ marathon for the first time in a decade yesterday. Since I signing up months ago and committing to the training the fear has always been “what if I can’t do it?” 

The fear is so paralyzing, it makes you not even want to try, doesn’t it? 

That is why when you DO accomplish it, EVERYONE praises you and celebrates you. 

Because they KNOW. 

They KNOW they would never sign up because they are too scared of failure. 

Or they have done it too, afraid the whole time, like you. 

Quitting drinking is hard because it's uncomfortable and we don’t want to feel uncomfortable. That is why we drank in the first place. 

Quitting drinking is scary, because what if you fail? 

You have maybe tried before and went back to drinking.

I sure did.

I tried many times. 

I quit drinking all the time!

What if I quit for a long time, years even and then eventually go back? 

That thought is scary enough to have me just start drinking right now. 

It's always possible that I could fail. 

I could go back to drinking. 

It's also possible that I won’t go back to drinking.

Ever. 

I completed that ½ marathon, scared. 

I will do this webinar tonight, scared. 

Every day I choose not to drink, scared.

Knowing that someday I could disappoint myself and drink again.

This is what it means to show up for yourself. 

This is what is means to be sober. 

This is what it means to live the life you were made for. 

It means to be scared shitless most of the time and do it anyway. 

I punched my fists in the air when I crossed that half marathon finish line because maybe I didn’t overcome my fear, but I ran alongside it for months. 

Tonight’s webinar will turn out how it turns out, but I am going to show up and do it. 

Mistakes and all.  

I will do it afraid. 

I will be sober for how long I am sober, but I am not going to start ruining my life today, out of fear that I might drink again someday. 

I am scared everyday of my life and I am living it anyway. 



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