The question is not... How bad does it have to get?
The question is ...How much better could it be?
Its ok to admit to yourself you are drinking more than you are comfortable with.
Its ok to question your drinking before you land in jail, the hospital, or local unemployment office.
Its ok to be afraid of questioning your drinking because you have secretly started to depend on it, and you are not sure you can easily give it up.
I was right there with you on a loop of getting up early, making my kids’ lunches, staying under the radar being average at work, driving carpool and then coming home to make dinner and have a “few glasses” of wine to unwind.
The few glasses turned into me staying up too late for “alone time”, then waking up with shame. I would use the guilt of drinking too much to fuel me to get out of bed early, feeling anxious, foggy, tired, and slightly ill every day.
I’d get the coffee started and erase the night before by putting the empty bottles in the recycle bin, and making a secret promise to myself that I would stop drinking.
I did stop drinking, but it took 3 years of suffering on this same loop. My tolerance increased along with my dependence. I was still going to work, nothing traumatic happened, but I was miserable. This was (rock?) bottom enough for me, and it can be for you too.
Alcohol added to my already anxious and depressed state, but it acted like a band aid of temporary relief. I was desperate to feel anything other than the way I was feeling. Alcohol was not my problem to start. Alcohol was my solution. Alcohol was my medication.
If you are not sure if you have a problem, its ok. I wasn’t either. I decided to take a break from drinking. The goal was to get back to drinking, but be a better drinker. More moderate. Less guilty.
I learned the control alcohol had on me when I tried to get rid of it. I realized if I was trying to control my alcohol, alcohol was already controlling me.
I didn’t start down a path to long term sobriety, but once I ditched the drink, I gained everything back including my self confidence, improved health, enhanced relationships, career advancement, and optimal fitness.
It was not a straight path. I did not go through any formal program like AA or rehab. I didn’t want anything like that. I read books and blogs. I became a researcher of alcohol. I followed sober people on Instagram. I found my own unique sober tool kit and filled it up with resources.
I wished for an online guide to follow. A mentor. A friend. I was seeking someone like me, who was able to remove their desire to drink, and tell me how to do it. I didn’t want to white knuckle sobriety for the rest of my life. I also didn’t want to die because of alcohol, which I knew was slowly killing me. I couldn’t find what I was looking for, so I created it.
Welcome to Ditched the Drink Sober Jumpstart, a 6 week online class with daily videos, resources, and assignments to give you a welcome break from drinking.
I made my mess my message and created my own course for professionals like me.