Dear You “Not an Alcoholic”,
Denial is strong, so let me put this to you straight.
You don’t see, what I see.
You don’t see that your “one too many but not too much drinking” is at the very least dulling you. Your eyes are half shut when the bottle is gone. Your mind is somewhere else. Your spirit is missing. Your body is slumped.
You are missing it.
You are missing out.
On this thing called life.
I know because I was missing it too.
Yes you were technically sitting there, but you are missing it. People are talking around you and about you and you don’t know.
You missed the way your Little One was singing in the shower and you were laying in bed on the other side of the door but you didn’t hear it, because your head was spinning.
She was singing “Why do you build me up? Buttercup baby just to let me down.” and you didn’t hear it because you were preoccupied with your drinking.
You were in your own head. You couldn’t hear or see what was happening, just like around the table when people were talking about you, or to you, or around you.
You missed what was happening because you were drinking.
Alcohol took the center stage in your head, in your spirit, and your body.
You don’t even know that you missed that sweet voice singing that sweet song, so you think you must be fine.
There was no real damage you say.
This is how you defend yourself. I know. I did it too.
You didn’t sleep through the alarm the next morning proving your drinking is not that bad.
You’re not sure if you have a problem, so there is no reason to quit.
You manage so you are fine.
You are fine, but is that the goal?
To be fine?
When you are drinking your highest goal could only possibly be...fine.
What is fine?
Better than tragic?
Better than really bad?
Is fine good enough for you?
Is fine the goal?
Its not good enough for you.
You are precious. You are talented. You have gifts to share.
We have this one beautiful life and you are dulling yours by being fine and not an alcoholic.
We need you.
We all need you.
We need your sparkle and your energy.
We need your ideas and your contributions.
Please stop thinking this is good enough for you.
It is not good enough for you.
You are the greatest thing that ever happened to the Universe and you are dulling yourself and staying stuck by saying you are fine and not an alcoholic.
Drinking is an experience, not a title.
You are not an alcoholic.
You are a human.
You are ingesting an addictive substance and becoming dependent and more tolerant the more you have.
This is normal.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Your brain and your body are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing.
But you are too good for this.
You are too good to miss out on your whole life being a little hungover, and a little buzzed, and a little drunk because you can’t imagine going to Italy on some hypothetical vacation and drinking wine someday. Or you can’ t imagine going to the football game and tailgating with anything but a can of beer in your hand this Sunday. Or you can’t imagine getting through tonight’s dinner/bath/bedtime routine without taking the edge off.
You are spending your whole life over drinking, feeling bad about it and defending yourself because you never went to jail or landed in the hospital for it. Because you got up with your alarm and pulled yourself miserably through the day being fine and not that bad.
Are you proud of that? Is that something to be proud of? Is that where you set the bar?
Drinking is ok, if it doesn’t make you go to jail or the hospital? Come on.
You keep drinking because you aren’t really sure if its that bad.
Its not that bad. It doesn’t have to be. Its not that good either.
You can do better. You can do way better.
Ditch the drink and live the life you were made for.
You don’t have to go through each day good enough.
You don’t have to struggle with a low vibe wondering what your purpose is.
You can find it.
You can find joy, when you remove the alcohol.
You can find the inner peace and alignment.
You do not have to suffer.
You can free yourself.
You can stop playing so fucking small and drowning yourself out with your drink.
You can wake from this not that bad nightmare.
You can be alive to hear the wonder of your child singing to themselves in the shower.
You can wake to the miracle of living, but not until you ditch the drink.
I tell you this because I love you.