I'm Sober, but I Can't Relax

I did nothing this weekend. I just relaxed. 

 

What I mean by that is:

 

I finished school shopping with my oldest daughter Lily. I made two new recipes: a chopped (Kardashian) salad and a strawberry cobbler (for breakfast). I am reading four books right now. Two are on my nightstand, one is on audible (Lessons in Chemistry) and one is on my Kindle. I read four People magazines, which were handed down from my mother in law. 

 

Speaking of, I hosted a small 9 person Family Send Off party for Lily. I watched the Anna Nicole Smith Documentary and the Happiness for Beginners movie, on Netflix. Only halfway though because I was mostly looking at my phone. I did a few loads of laundry. I picked a few fights with my husband. We looked at Lily’s college finances and made a budget and a plan. I listened to the Greta Gerwig Smartless podcast. I took my dog on two slow sniffing walks around the block. I took two afternoon naps. I registered my youngest daughter...

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5 Years Sober, I Want a Glass of Wine

I went to bed before 8 pm last night. My eyes were tired, swollen, and sore from crying. 

 

The dam of tears welling up inside me finally burst when I called my mom yesterday and spoke all my fears out loud. I admitted that I am lonely. My husband and my youngest have been gone most of the last 2 weeks. Competing schedules have made it impossible to get together with friends. I am afraid of rejection for my daughter, in her rush to sorority coming up in a matter of days (no longer weeks). I am afraid of rejection for me in taking on a new business endeavor. I can no longer push these feelings away into the future, they are all suddenly here, now. 

 

I am launching a new coaching business course at the exact same time my first born is leaving for college. It is bringing up every insecurity I ever had. I am reminded of every time I put myself out there and lost, failed, flopped. 

 

There was the  6th grade speech contest Final Championship. 

I...

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Drunk Again on The 4th of July

It is 2016. I am on a sober experiment, maybe 14 days in and it is the 4th of July. We are out of town spontaneously visiting friends. One of them works in hospitality and got us a beautiful hotel room in a nearly sold out city. When we check in there’s chilled champagne for us, a sweet note, and milk & cookies for the kids. It was such a sweet surprise! We felt VIPs. I have never had this kind of service upon arrival. I am really touched, but I don’t touch the champagne. I’m doing a sober experiment afterall.

 

We have lunch at a famous Wisconsin staple. I get the biggest, baddest, extra spicy, Virgin Bloody Mary with all the fixin’s on a skewer poking out. Celery, pickle, bacon, shrimp. I took a picture for Facebook. Sober. Easy peasy. I am not missing out on anything. I see everyone with their beers around me, but I am ok. 



We have a few sets of friends that live in the same town and we want to introduce them to each other. We met at the...

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In Praise of Doing Nothing

rest sober af sober coach Jun 26, 2023

As part of an Add 2, Subtract 2 Summer Challenge with my INSIDER Membership I completed one of my subtraction tasks. Subtracting everything for one day a month. What I mean by that is having no expectations, to do lists, plans, or chores for one day each month of the summer. A “Do Nothing Day”. 

 

I understand many people would not need a “challenge” to take a day off, but I do. I am a high achieving, over functioning, extroverted, people pleaser and it is not in my nature to give myself a break. Ironically, I have to be challenged to do it. I have to give myself some sort of competition to sit still.  

 

It started on Saturday night when I went to the gym. This used to be a sad thing for me, in early sobriety. The gym is very empty on Saturday nights. I assume because people have friends, plans and better things to do. In my early sobriety, I had few friends, no plans, and nothing better to do. I sometimes felt sorry for myself for...

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Nostalgic Thinking about Drinking

Some of my best memories are from some of my biggest drinking moments. 

 

It’s been helpful to think that my drinking was bad, unhealthy and alcohol took me away from myself. And now that I’ve removed alcohol, I am happy, healthy, free, and all is well. 

 

Although this is 100% true, it is not the whole truth. 

It is a story that I have been telling myself for years. I had to tell myself this story to get to the place I am at now, which is 5 years sober, happy, and free. 

 

I could only see it in the solid black and white until now. Any kind of nostalgic thinking or romantic longing about alcohol in my past was too risky. If I idealized the past for too long, I might spiral and land upside down with a bottle in my hand and wine on my lips, once again. 

I quit drinking so many times before I quit drinking. 

 

With alcohol, decidedly no longer an option for me, I had to march to the drum with a single beat.  The rhythm...

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A Sober American In Paris

When I was just starting out on my sober journey I had this voice in my head, Let’s call that voice by name, the Wine Witch. She tried to sabotage me every step of the way. 

When I would see some progress (maybe 4 days alcohol free) she would start screaming at me:

 

 “What are you going to do?

Not drink?

Like really not drink?

Like not even drink when you get to Paris?

Come on!” 

 

Then the real me would hear that Wine Witch. I would think about sitting at one of those black and white striped woven wicker bistro chairs outside a Parisian cafe, surrounded by women in black berets, leaving red lipstick marks on their long skinny cigarettes, little fluffy dogs on the ground next to their high heeled feet, sipping a strong afternoon red or a crisp bubbly champagne from the region. Women living the dream just being fabulous and sitting and sipping from sun up until sundown. Did I want to be part of that? Yes I did. Could I imagine sitting...

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Big and Little Joy in Sobriety

Memorial Day 2017 was my rock bottom. Not to be confused with the Day I finally stopped drinking. That would come ½ year or more later. 

 

Memorial Day Weekend has been an evolution in my sobriety and overall personal growth. 

 

You can read more about Memorial Day’s past here, here, here, and here.

 

I started my weekend this year by listening to Jenna Kutcher’s Goal Digger podcast titled “Should I Scale Bigger or Shut it Down? An Inside Look at my Daily Debate”, a recommendation from my friend Deb from Alcohol Tipping Point.

 

I was in a season of taking a social media break and scaling back my clients, as I worked to create and launch new programs, rebrand my logo + website, and make new connections in new ways. 

 

There is a balance of ambition and contentment in my job as an entrepreneur.  It was hard for me to stop the hustle of sales and it’s been hard to see less traffic on my website with less...

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Social Media and Addiction

My Social Media Experiment was to stop using Instagram and Facebook for business for 7 weeks.

What happened was not what I expected. 

For the record, I think it's great to take break from things. All things. Change is necessary from all things to grow and evolve. If you unplug for anything you might feel better after a reset. This is not only for people that struggle with addiction, unless we all struggle with addiction, which is more likely true.

It is a sign of progress and awakening, not failure, to take a break. That elusive state of balance isn't something that is achieved for long if ever. If we are growing and evolving we are always teetering. Even on a balance beam, it takes some wobbling, to stay upright. There is nothing wrong with this. This is what it is to be human. This article will not wrap up in a tidy bow why social media is good or bad. For me, it is neither. It is both. I don't know enough about the introduction of the hot AI topic to comment. This is...

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Sober Milestones and Graduations

This weekend was my first born daughter’s high school graduation.

My sobriety made everything so much better.

In some ways it felt like a stress test:

Host a party for 50 people.

Pray for good weather.

Say hello.

Say goodbye.

Introduce people to each other.

Lose sleep for 3 nights in a row.

Get the cake out at the right time.

Whoops you’re too late.

Host my family for 6 days.

There’s light bulbs out in the basement.

We need more coffee.

Host a houseful of in laws for a day.

The kids like root beer and Cherry 7 Up.

Get it.

Oh we already had it.

Father in law, Pops likes Diet Pepsi.

Bottles, not cans.

The kid is gluten free.

Remember both corn and flour tortillas.

Get the surprises for Lily out.

Do it now.

No wait.

Don’t do it.

Do it now.

Is everyone here?

Stay calm.

Don’t get sucked into other people’s emotions or stories.

Don’t control what you don’t control.

Woah a blast from the past comes out of nowhere.

I have feelings about that.

...
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Hard to Be Sober - From a Sober Coach

I am in a season of extreme emotions right now. 

 

My oldest daughter is graduating high school in just a few weeks. She will be moving 6 hours away to go to school (MIZ-ZOU!) in early August. I feel like we are still connected via umbilical cord, so as much as I want her to spread her wings and fly…I also want to swaddle her in a blanket and hold her in my arms from now until the end of time. 

 

Saturday was her last prom. I watched her in her gorgeous gown donning fancy hair and flawless make up. I was absolutely stunned by her beauty, maturity, and confidence. I am so proud of the woman she has become. She is better than my wildest dreams. We all know I have too high expectations for everything. Lily is everything and then some. 

 

Since birth she has flipped me upside down and shook me around until I was dizzy. Somehow, in between cleaning up after her, and keeping her safe and fed, she grew into her own being. She is so much more than even I...

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