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Tell Me Again...

Uncategorized Apr 01, 2019

Tell me again how sorry you are that I am not drinking. I see it in your eyes. You think, poor me. Such a shame. The terrible consequence for having an alcohol problem, is that now she can’t drink at all.

You see not drinking as a lifelong punishment. You think I can’t drink now, because I have somehow overdone it. I used up all the drink coupons. There are no more drinks left for me. The good times are over.

Do you really think I can’t pour liquor down my throat anymore?

I am capable of opening a bottle and pouring. It takes no skill at all. I did it for years! No one is stopping me. I don’t wear hand cuffs. I do not have a medical diagnosis that warns against it. I am not on medication that results in negative side effects from it.

Could you entertain the possibility that not drinking, is perhaps, a choice?

A person and a world that doesn’t drink is a person and a world with fewer accidents, a decrease in abuse, and trauma. Crime reduction,...

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The Sky

Uncategorized Mar 24, 2019

I am knee deep, (up to my neck actually), in creating Sober Boost, my 6 week online digital challenge. Its going to be so amazing, if I do say so myself. I have been participating in other sober classes, challenges, et all.

Honest to goodness, not to brag, but what I am creating is so much better than anything I have seen yet. I am so super especially excited to share it with you.

My days are spent gleefully in the creative process of writing and creating content. I have been hyper focused on getting this class complete. Once I am done building it, a chain reaction of other exciting projects will roll into motion.

Anyways, as I do this work, I am also learning the lessons, all over again, as I attempt to teach them.

Today, I am also annoyed with my husband for leaving on a work trip and not putting the grill cover back on the grill. Ever. In the history of Ever.

I sometimes take it upon myself to micromanage him. Every good wife does, right?

Today, I am reminding myself that the sky...

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Slainte

Uncategorized Mar 18, 2019

It might surprise you that I am zero percent Irish. I look the part with my red hair and freckles. I have always acted the part by liking beer and corned beef upon first taste. Green is one of my favorite colors. My Mom’s name is Patty. My girls have curls that Irish Dancers are made of.

As you can imagine…I love St. Patrick’s Day and debauchery! I have always enjoyed the happy music, green beer flowing, and “Irish for a Day” crowd. St. Patrick’s Day is huge in Chicago. Parades and dying the river green and pubs overfilled with shenanigans for weeks leading up to March 17th. Last year I went downtown bringing along my mom and my daughters. We joined friends in parade watching, having lunch and getting our photo ops in front of the green river.

This year the girls had sport activities in the middle of the day into the evening, leaving us just a few hours for fun in between on the Sunday of St. Patrick’s Day. If I was a drinker this sports...

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Self Medicating - Not an Alcoholic

Uncategorized Mar 06, 2019

I am building an online sobriety class. I would like to reach more people and offer a more customized and flexible schedule to my coaching program.

In preparation for building my course I am identifying my ideal client. I sent out a survey to explore this. The results of survey coming in are very contradictory. This might be because I am not a scientific researcher and my questions might suck. The participants are people in my network and not necessarily a random selection.

Yet, the themes I am seeing make sense to me.

Most people are not self identifying as having a problem with drinking, yet those same people would like help with the consequences from drinking.

On one hand the participants report not thinking about their drinking and therefore not seeing it as a problem. On the other hand these same participants admit to often drinking more than they are comfortable with, experiencing hangovers, and struggling with saying no to drinking. Most of the participants would like help,...

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(Not Ready), Set, Go!

Uncategorized Mar 04, 2019

Today I am hitting the publish button on my website. I am not ready.

A few weeks ago I made an announcement on social media that I was 1 year sober. I was not ready and I didn’t have the right words to share. I decided to do it anyway. I obsessed about the words that I would choose for the weeks leading up to the Soberversary. I wanted to be serious, but lighthearted. I wanted people to know it was a big deal and I was proud of myself. But I didn’t want anyone to think I was ever a raging mean alcoholic. I wanted to share the news and receive positive feedback and celebration from my friends, but I didn’t want to be vulnerable or open for criticism, judgment or imagination about addiction. I was scared. I was really frightened about what everyone would think. Once I shared, people were going to know and after it was documented, I couldn’t take it back. It was scary and I was anxious leading up to the date. Once the calendar turned and the 1 year sober date...

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Warning: Yoga and Meditation may result in Spontaneous Laughter

Uncategorized Mar 03, 2019

I attended a yoga class this morning in a new studio. Prior to class starting, I went to the front desk to sign up and pay for the introductory 2 week special. The owner told me the first class was free. She went on to explain that this was not an exercise class, but instead this was a spirit class. She didn’t want the energy of anyone feeling resentful that they weren’t getting what they signed up for floating in the room.

Little did she know. I was thrilled. And these words already sold me on my return.

The class was beautiful and meditative. The theme was letting go. This phrase was repeated through out the class and I thought about what that meant to me.

In Warrior 2 pose it meant, letting go of insecurities. I was bold and strong in my form which translated to having a strong faith and belief in myself for the first time as I embark on a new professional path.

In Tree Pose, letting go meant not being afraid to fall out of the pose. I let my branches grow tall and I...

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I have an announcement to make...

Uncategorized Feb 15, 2019

1 year ago today I got rid of alcohol and I have never felt better. It was very hard at first because wine had become a reliable friend that helped blur the edges of so many uncomfortable emotions and it was a challenge to learn to cope without it. But I could also see that my beloved wine was becoming the cause of my problems and not the solution. I wanted to be healthy and free. I know there are others that have a complicated relationship with alcohol and I want you to know you are not alone. I am working on the best way to share my story and offer help. For now I just want to make this announcement which I am so proud of, but it makes me so vulnerable so please don’t throw tomatoes! Alcohol is the only drug that if you quit, then people think you have a problem. Well trust me when I say nothing bad has happened because I quit. And I am still the best dancer in the room!

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And the Award goes to YOU Anne Hathaway

Uncategorized Feb 08, 2019

Dear Anne,

Thank you for your bravery going on national television and admitting that drinking doesn’t bring out your best self, or your best parenting. Thank you for putting it out there that you are giving it up for 18 years! Know that you are not alone. There are so many of us Moms out here that quit drinking too and we just haven’t the opportunity, or the courage, to say it on national television.

Some of don’t even know how to say to our friends and neighbors (me). You just made it easier for all of us. Now we can just say, “Did you see/hear Anne Hathaway on Ellen the other day? Well she quit drinking because she didn’t totally love who she was when she drank and ME TOO!”

You are gorgeous, talented, smart, and successful. I don’t know if you have “drinking problem” and it really doesn’t matter. To you, drinking was a problem, so you gave it up.

I did this too, one year ago. I am still trying to define for others why I...

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Start Here. Take two easy steps forward.

Uncategorized Feb 04, 2019

Step 1- Be honest with yourself.

I know that wine/beer/vodka has become your Best Friend and Lover and you do NOT really want to quit. That’s ok. I’d like to offer you a high five.

Congratulations! You are here. Right here in the present moment. If you are anything like me, you are probably hungover AF and desperately grasping for something to help end this cycle. You may hate where you are and know that is it isn’t working for you, but unsure of the next step. And truthfully, you can’t really imagine a life sober so you might have to throw your arms in the air and accept the reality that you will be a drinker, likely an over drinker, for the rest of your life. That thought is so depressing on one hand, and on the other, its sort of a relief that in just a few hours after you can struggle through your day, that glass of wine will be there at the end to tell you everything is ok. That’s all you really want. The feeling that everything will be ok.

So this...

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Redemption Song - Day 1 versus Day 346

Uncategorized Jan 31, 2019

Reflections On 1 year Sober

Day 1: The alarm goes off and I am immediately guilty and full of shame for I don’t know what yet. I’d rather go back to sleep than find out.

My head is pounding.

My heart is beating outside of my chest.

I am pissed off.

I am in my clothes from last night.

I am in my bed alone.

I don’t know where everyone else is but my trusty dog is beside me.

Fuck I better get up.

I pull myself out of bed thinking about how many minutes until I can get back in.

If I can just get the kids to school, I will go back to bed. A little “me time”. I make my way to the bathroom and brush my teeth and I see myself in the mirror and I honestly don’t recognize myself.

When did I get so fat and old and ugly? My eyes are bloodshot and blurry. I can’t even focus because of the fog in my head. I think I am going to be sick. Mind over matter. “No no just move on. Everything is fine. Don’t let anyone know. Don’t let them see...

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