This weekend was my first born daughter’s high school graduation.

My sobriety made everything so much better.

In some ways it felt like a stress test:

Host a party for 50 people.

Pray for good weather.

Say hello.

Say goodbye.

Introduce people to each other.

Lose sleep for 3 nights in a row.

Get the cake out at the right time.

Whoops you’re too late.

Host my family for 6 days.

There’s light bulbs out in the basement.

We need more coffee.

Host a houseful of in laws for a day.

The kids like root beer and Cherry 7 Up.

Get it.

Oh we already had it.

Father in law, Pops likes Diet Pepsi.

Bottles, not cans.

The kid is gluten free.

Remember both corn and flour tortillas.

Get the surprises for Lily out.

Do it now.

No wait.

Don’t do it.

Do it now.

Is everyone here?

Stay calm.

Don’t get sucked into other people’s emotions or stories.

Don’t control what you don’t control.

Woah a blast from the past comes out of nowhere.

I have feelings about that.

I am in a season of extreme emotions right now. 

My oldest daughter is graduating high school in just a few weeks. She will be moving 6 hours away to go to school (MIZ-ZOU!) in early August. I feel like we are still connected via umbilical cord, so as much as I want her to spread her wings and fly…I also want to swaddle her in a blanket and hold her in my arms from now until the end of time. 

Saturday was her last prom. I watched her in her gorgeous gown donning fancy hair and flawless make up. I was absolutely stunned by her beauty, maturity, and confidence. I am so proud of the woman she has become. She is better than my wildest dreams. We all know I have too high expectations for everything. Lily is everything and then some. 

Since birth she has flipped me upside down and shook me around until I was dizzy. Somehow, in between cleaning up after her, and keeping her safe and fed, she grew into her own being. She is so much more than even I...

The spring sun is here! I want to go outside! I love to go outside. I am an outdoorsy person. I believe in the benefits of sunlight and movement to set my circadian rhythm, lift my mood, and give me a good dose of feel good chemicals. 

Yet, even so…somehow it’s been a challenge to get off the couch. My winter workout routine was going to the gym and then sitting in the sauna. Mostly, in the evenings. The weather went from the 40’s to the 80’s as it does in the midwest and although it is a welcome change I have had a hard time adjusting. At the same time, my daughter has started evening soccer games and I want to attend them. All this has added up to me doing very little and then berating myself for not doing enough.

I am an all or nothing type of person which can be a real gift, and also a real curse, at times. I feel like I have to commit to a 8 month marathon training plan in my mind before I even take a walk around the block. Being a...

I am a COUNTRY girl. 

Born in small town Wisconsin. 

My first drink was a cheap beer. 

Busch Lite. 

In my coming of age, I partied and chased boys in barns and fields.

I rode around in pickup trucks.

I love country music. I love to sing about getting day drunk with a cold beer in my hand, and needing my whiskey glasses to navigate my latest heartache. 

I have fond memories of you and me going fishing in the dark with friends in low places, if you know what I mean. Some of it makes me cringe and plenty of it makes me smile.

When I was visiting Savannah, Georgia a drag queen sang Reba McEntire’s Fancy, and I nearly lost my mind. All I wanna do is boot, scoot, boogie. 

When I first quit alcohol, I didn’t know how to reconcile my love for country music and drinking songs with my new found sobriety. 

My identity was shifting from rowdy party girl to healthy sober coach. 

What would I do with my...

The details are very foggy, but I have a drunken Easter story. 

For the life of me, I can’t think about why I would have been without plans or my family on Easter, but one year it happened. Maybe I chose it. I have no idea. I really can’t remember. My whole life at that time was a bit of a fog.  

What I do know is that I was grieving the loss of my good friend, who was diagnosed with cancer and passed away two months later, leaving his wife and 5 kids. My other friend, his wife, was now a widow. She asked me to do his eulogy. She said I was the only one who could speak her words. My heart and hers were completely broken. I stayed very close to her during this time. I wanted to be a real support person for her. 

We were both drinking a lot, which wasn’t necessarily new to us, but we had new meaning to do it with our freshly shattered hearts. I thought being in the depths of despair alongside her was the best support I could...

I am an expert in quitting drinking. I’ve done it a million times. That is why I am the perfect person to tell you about the mistakes I’ve made in trying to get sober. 

Not only that, I am also a Certified Professional Life and Recovery Coach, in addition to having an education in Social Work, a Certificate of Well Being from Yale University, and a Professional Certificate in Human Resources. I’ve got the professional training, credentials, and qualifications to share the sharpest insights on how to quit drinking and also what NOT to do.

I’ve been sober for over 5 years. I was unsuccessfully “quitting drinking” for 3 years prior to my last Day 1. I now see this as part of my success, even if it didn’t look like it at the time. I want to help expedite your quitting drinking process to save a lot of suffering and heartache. 

Being 5 years sober means, I am in “stable remission” from alcohol use...

I thought St. Patrick’s Day was my favorite holiday. 

I look good in green. I like corned beef. I was raised on beer.

One look at me and you would swear I was a jolly Irish soul. 

I am 5 years sober. 

After decades of drunken shenanigans involving day drinking and green beer, it turns out St. Patrick’s Day is not my favorite holiday. It never was. It was just an excuse to drink.

As a drinker, the rest of this story might sound sad to you. If you are craving an excuse to crowd into a dark pub during the day and fight a rowdy crowd for a cheap green beer, this will not be the happy ending you are seeking. 

For me, today is Friday. I had a full day off yesterday to catch up on Spring Cleaning. It felt so good to get away from my computer and run errands, clean out drawers, and tidy up my space. Tis the season for cleaning! I have professional window washers coming today for the first time ever! What a treat! I am thrilled....

From a young age, I had a taste for alcohol. I desired the delightful woozy, boozy release wash over me.

For as long as I can remember, I also had a thirst for perfection.

The more I learn about myself, the more I see how my behaviors came to be. 

Like everyone, most of my ways of being were formed in early childhood. 

My behaviors perhaps originated to protect me, and stayed long after their job was done. 

My enneagram tells me I am a high achiever (3), perfectionist (1), and helper (2). 

This makes *perfect* sense to me.

One time I took the test as a 1,2,3 and the next as a 3,2,1. 

Regardless, the way I operate is, 1- everything needs to be perfect 2- I want to help and please others immensely and 3- I have to be the best at everything all the time.

I was the first child of divorce in both my families at a very young age. 

Naturally, anyone who loved me, was concerned for me. This kind of childhood...

I just turned 5 years sober. For most of my life this accomplishment seemed so out of reach for me. What would I tell myself back before my last Day !?

 1. You can do it. You absolutely can. 

Put all of your energy towards that. Stop looking behind you. Keep moving forward. Just because you are not doing it perfectly, doesn’t mean you are not doing it at all. Keep doing it. It’s a process and not a single event. Stay curious and keep learning. Believe you can and you will. It has to start here. You must believe in yourself bigger than you ever have before. You must believe in yourself BEFORE you have proved anything. BEFORE you have reached your goals. This is how to start. Start believing and stop giving up on yourself before the miracle happens. Keep the faith and it will happen. 

 2. The relationship that matters most is the one with yourself. 

You will not be able to make this change and keep...

Today I woke up 5 years sober. 

It is a glorious achievement. 

It means I have reached “stable remission” from alcohol use disorder. 

Milestones are a tricky thing.

Just as a huge achievement was rounding the corner for me, a crippling wave of shame crept in even faster.

I spent most of the weekend in tears. 

My loud inner critic was shouting at me. Screaming that I could not celebrate, because my drinking hurt people. I could never take back my alcohol problem. It will never be over. I need to live in my darkest shadow forever. I should feel no sunshine. The only appropriate way to be is on my hands and knees in repentance. Forever. Joyless. 

That voice said, I am not allowed to be happy and free. 

How dare I celebrate? 

My drinking hurt the people I love most. I should nail myself to the cross and live under my dark cloak of shame forever. The dark forever sorry-ness closing in on me. Suffocating me. The only response is to...