I wake up in a panic

No desire to start my day

Thinking of last night

Oh God, what did I say?

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I chug a glass of water

On the table beside my bed

I recognize hangover symptoms

Starting with

My pounding head.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I head into the bathroom

My system is not right

At one glance in the mirror

I hate the ugly sight.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I head downstairs for coffee.

Not sure I can stand the taste.

My mouth, an awful feeling,

As if I’ve eaten paste.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I start to make kid lunches

Throwing stuff into bags,

Seeing the mess of the night before

Feeling like a nag.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I rush the kids out the door,

Scared to death of what they think,

Quick try to cover up myself

By cleaning at the sink.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

It’s really hard to focus

Oh Lord, I hate my job,

I can’t look at...

On my last Halloween as a drinker, I went to a costume party dressed as Janis Joplin. But of course. At this point, I had been exploring my relationship with alcohol for a few years. I was exploring periods of not drinking. “Sober experiments” as I called these alcohol time outs. Then I would also have periods of drinking again. Maybe escalated drinking with worse and quicker consequences than before my alcohol time out. I was trying to figure out how to keep alcohol in my life without killing myself or pissing off anyone that I love. This was an incredibly tricky thing to navigate. Trying desperately not to be addicted to an addictive substance, while still consuming the legal and celebrated drug that is alcohol.

On this particular Halloween, where I was drinking, but also working to be less of a drinker, I had signed up to run a 10K race bright and early the following day. I did this because I wanted to be a healthy person. I wanted to be the kind of person that...

Dark coffee alone with the windows open and the chilly autumn air breezing in.

Reflection in quiet, feeling content, at peace.

With myself.

Satisfied and full. 

Not desperate or seeking.

A last minute decision to do a hot flow yoga class on Sunday.

A new instructor. 

Never been done before on this day and time.

A long term gym member and yogi, and yet something completely new to me.

Immediate pride for my choice and swift decision.

Letting myself be spontaneous. 

Not agonizing or doing mental gymnastics, which is so familiar to me. 

Trusting my instinct and going with the flow of my life. 

The feeling of wanting to move my body in a joyful way. 

The absence of needing to punish my body for bad behavior and choices.

My favorite yoga outfit. 

A decision to look my best, not my worst for no reason on a Sunday morning.

Thinking “not bad” as I suck in and get a quick glance at myself in the mirror.

My middle aged...

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. You can support and donate to a variety of options to fight against breast cancer. There are pink ribbons, lip gloss, blankets, shoes, stickers, t-shirts and more. 

The most well known good that you can purchase to fight against breast cancer is alcohol. 

Many well meaning organizations are fighting breast cancer with alcohol. There are “drink for pink” and “clink for pink” campaigns. There specific wines labeled to support breast cancer research.  

A famous Chicagoland steakhouse has offered clever taglines for their breast cancer awareness campaign. Fighting breast cancer,  “One cosmo at a time.” , offering “Highballs for hope”, or  “Brews for Breast Cancer” and “Spritz for Sage. Cocktails offered for a cure. They are generously donating proceeds of the profit of alcohol sales towards research for breast cancer.

Why...

I didn’t want to go to yoga yesterday. 

I love yoga. 

I really do. 

And yet, I didn’t want to go. 

I know it’s good for me. I always feel better afterwards. I pride myself on being a yogi.

I like to do it at least three times a week. Four, if I can. 

Sometimes I do that. Sometimes even more. 

Lately, it’s been hard to fit it in with my extra busy work schedule and both my daughters’ full volleyball schedules. 

For this season, I have committed to at least once a week. 

This has been an achievable goal, until last week when I missed it. 

I reserved my spot, but when the time came to go, I told myself my time would be better spent doing more work. I decided to catch up on emails and home administration while sitting on the couch. I talked myself out of  yoga. I told myself this was me giving myself a break. This was my way to find the time to accomplish other...

I’ve been embarking on some lofty home projects. 

I wallpapered a statement wall in my primary bedroom. 

I chose a bright and bold floral pattern. It was a risk. It turned out awesome.  

I am cleaning out and getting rid of old furniture. 

I put a pile out on the curb and notified Facebook. It was all gone in a matter of moments. 

I decorated for fall. My favorite season. 

I added a piece of furniture that was passed down from my Aunt Joan. It adds depth, history, and character. It warms my heart to see her stuff amongst my things. They go together as beautifully as we did. 

And finally…drum roll please…

I am replacing all the blinds/window treatments in my house with new ones. 

This is a big undertaking in DIY.

I have been staring at these old, outdated blinds for years and years. I have hated them since I moved in over a decade ago. I thought about getting rid of them often. I spent...

As you embark on a sobriety or moderation journey, building a toolkit to keep you motivated and inspired can help you reach your goals. Recovery-related books, AKA ‘quit lit,’ can be great for seeing how others have navigated similar experiences, gaining tips that can help you along your journey, and learning more about the science behind substance use. Not sure what to pick up first? Here are my 29 favorite books related to alcohol recovery. 

29 Best Books About Alcohol Recovery

Biographies, Memoirs, & ‘Quit Lit’
1. A Happier Hour by Rebecca Weller
2. Between Breaths: A Memoir of Panic and Addiction by Elizabeth Vargas
3. Punch Me Up to the Gods by Brian Broome
4. Nothing Good Can Come From This by Kristi Coulter
5. The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray
6. We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life by Laura McKowen 
7. The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley
8....

The promise of a new school year has a freshness to it that rivals January. September is the real start of the new year for me. It is a freeing idea, that we can start again. We are brand new in every moment, never the same as we were in the moment before. This gives us the freedom to evolve and change. We are not stuck in our past. What is done is done. We must let go of the past to make progress on our today.  

September, to me, is the most obvious universal invitation to begin again. The fall season teaches us how beautiful it can be to allow ourselves to change and let go of the things from our yesterdays that hold us back. The leaves on the trees vibrantly shift their colors before their ultimate release. It is ok to unplug, release, and then plug in again. September is a great time to restart ourselves. 

My sobriety journey had many Day 1’s. New beginnings started with gusto. I had a million false starts only to fall back into old patterns...

As a former ‘Party Girl’ turned Certified Recovery & Life Coach and seasoned international traveler, I am excited to share my tips for how to stay alcohol-free on vacation. 

Let me start by saying, vacations are so much better when enjoyed fully present and sober. I know this might be hard to believe, but after many vacations and travels both drinking and not drinking, I am here to say sobriety wins, every time. There are no wasted days. No coming home needing a vacation from your vacation. No foggy memories. No embarrassment. No cringy photos, social media posts, or new “friends” that you have to face after alcohol was doing the talking. 

Yes, your first sober vacay might feel a little unsettling but I promise it gets easier. As a Sober Coach I have witnessed hundreds of people successfully complete sober vacations. No doubt when the time and place are right, you can do it too.

Should You Travel in Early Alcohol Recovery?

While...

Last week, I had dinner with some of the sober babes that I met on a sober hiking retreat in Sedona, a month ago.  Most of us live in Chicagoland. From the larger group, four of us were available to get together. We picked the most central spot for dinner. Lucky for me, that landed close to home. 

I was the last to arrive and when I approached the table I was welcomed immediately. Everyone got up out of their chairs. We hugged and squealed with delight at our reunion. It was so wonderful to see each other again. We were familiar with each other, having spent days and nights on a soul filled retreat together. We were also brand new, having taken off our hiking boots, and donned our pretty sundresses for the occasion. It was a thrill to be meeting up again, in real life, so close to home, solidifying the beginning of meaningful new friendships.

Our dinner lasted as long as it possibly could.

We ordered drinks. A round of the signature mocktail...