From a young age, I had a taste for alcohol. I desired the delightful woozy, boozy release wash over me.

For as long as I can remember, I also had a thirst for perfection.

The more I learn about myself, the more I see how my behaviors came to be. 

Like everyone, most of my ways of being were formed in early childhood. 

My behaviors perhaps originated to protect me, and stayed long after their job was done. 

My enneagram tells me I am a high achiever (3), perfectionist (1), and helper (2). 

This makes *perfect* sense to me.

One time I took the test as a 1,2,3 and the next as a 3,2,1. 

Regardless, the way I operate is, 1- everything needs to be perfect 2- I want to help and please others immensely and 3- I have to be the best at everything all the time.

I was the first child of divorce in both my families at a very young age. 

Naturally, anyone who loved me, was concerned for me. This kind of childhood...

I just turned 5 years sober. For most of my life this accomplishment seemed so out of reach for me. What would I tell myself back before my last Day !?

 1. You can do it. You absolutely can. 

Put all of your energy towards that. Stop looking behind you. Keep moving forward. Just because you are not doing it perfectly, doesn’t mean you are not doing it at all. Keep doing it. It’s a process and not a single event. Stay curious and keep learning. Believe you can and you will. It has to start here. You must believe in yourself bigger than you ever have before. You must believe in yourself BEFORE you have proved anything. BEFORE you have reached your goals. This is how to start. Start believing and stop giving up on yourself before the miracle happens. Keep the faith and it will happen. 

 2. The relationship that matters most is the one with yourself. 

You will not be able to make this change and keep...

Today I woke up 5 years sober. 

It is a glorious achievement. 

It means I have reached “stable remission” from alcohol use disorder. 

Milestones are a tricky thing.

Just as a huge achievement was rounding the corner for me, a crippling wave of shame crept in even faster.

I spent most of the weekend in tears. 

My loud inner critic was shouting at me. Screaming that I could not celebrate, because my drinking hurt people. I could never take back my alcohol problem. It will never be over. I need to live in my darkest shadow forever. I should feel no sunshine. The only appropriate way to be is on my hands and knees in repentance. Forever. Joyless. 

That voice said, I am not allowed to be happy and free. 

How dare I celebrate? 

My drinking hurt the people I love most. I should nail myself to the cross and live under my dark cloak of shame forever. The dark forever sorry-ness closing in on me. Suffocating me. The only response is to...

I attended a Special Olympics basketball game the other night and I learned so much.

My experience with basketball is limited. I played basketball on a team for one season in middle school. I didn’t understand any of it. I was terrible at it. Growing up with a single mom, we never even watched sports. I had no idea what I was doing and it was incredibly frustrating.  

I had a huge respect for the athletes on the court the other night.

I joined the basketball team in middle school, because my friends were basketball players. I was trying to fit in. The coach and the other players spoke in what sounded like a foreign language to me. They would run plays called “Michigan Blue”. I don’t know what that meant. It was a secret to our opponent but it was also a secret to me. Was “Blue” right or left? What was I supposed to do?

Sometimes I was supposed to  “set a pick”. I didn’t know what this...

Why Do We Drink More During the Holidays?

The holiday season tends to be one of the most alcohol-centric times of year. Firstly, alcohol is generally more accessible. There are extra work events, holiday parties, family reunions, and other gatherings that typically include alcohol. Some people may drink more simply because it’s available, or in an attempt to manage the social anxiety that may come along with these festivities. 

Secondly, people may drink more around the holidays in order to cope. Mental health issues can be exacerbated this time of year by early darkness, seasonal affective disorder, and added stress. Many people also experience heightened feelings of grief and loss during the holidays. Dealing with toxic family members, financial pressure, comparison, and extra to-do lists can lead to unhealthy drinking in order to cope. While alcohol may provide short-term relief, it can make these stressors even worse in the long run (and add...

Welcome to the Ditched the Drink Gift Guide!

I am so excited to share some fun ideas for the sober babes in your life. Yourself included. 

* Many things made by Sober Babes themselves. I added the price, but it could have changed, and most likely in your favor.

Stocking Stuffers

I love a good DIY manicure. Funny Bunny is my current favorite polish. You’ll thank me for introducing you to this perfect white. It’s not chalky and doesn’t look like White Out (are you are old enough to know what that is or did I just age myself?) My daughter taught me a trick and that’s to do a coat of Funny Bunny under a light pink, like Ballet Slipper Pink color polish. It makes a difference and gives me the perfect natural pink, that’s matte and not transparent. Big Apple Red is the perfect red that looks good on every single skin tone. Highly recommended for some holiday pizazz. 

I love this Sober Morse Code Bracelet. Such a great secret...

Sober milestones can come in many forms. A huge accomplishment for many of my clients’ is flying sober. I mean, literally, flying. Like in an airplane. It takes some resolve to successfully accomplish this feat, as the airport is full of opportunities to drink. 

There are actual liquor bottles sized specifically for the occasion of flying. Airports resemble Vegas in that it never sleeps, there’s changing time zones, and you’re neither here nor there. It’s never day or night. An airport is some sort of ether world. A perpetual party, never ending vacation takeoff, networking extravaganza, mini city of strangers, with endless options for drinking without shame or stigma. 

The airport can be a lonely place of goodbyes, and happy bartenders are waiting to greet you at every corner. There is a person willing to lend a hand, a shoulder, and a soothing brew to jump ship on your uncomfortable emotions. Airport bars are open and available at...

My first Thanksgiving was really rough. 

It was my first big holiday traveling and visiting family.

I had lots of sobriety under my belt. Almost 9 months. Still I felt wobbly, shaky, and fragile. 

I drank a lot with my family. I wasn’t sure what to do without it. Everyone in my family drinks, but most did not drink as much as me. Some of my family drank more than usual when I was around, because I could be kind of a drink pusher. Just one more. One more. 

This first Thanksgiving I didn’t want anyone to act differently around me. I didn’t want my sobriety to be weird. I wanted to be cool, confident, and simply fly under the radar. 

This was an impossible desire. I wasn’t cool or confident. I have big energy and have never been able to fly under the radar. 

My family saw my self diagnosed alcohol problem and they were trying to learn more about my newfound sobriety. I didn’t have words for it....

I wake up in a panic

No desire to start my day

Thinking of last night

Oh God, what did I say?

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I chug a glass of water

On the table beside my bed

I recognize hangover symptoms

Starting with

My pounding head.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I head into the bathroom

My system is not right

At one glance in the mirror

I hate the ugly sight.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I head downstairs for coffee.

Not sure I can stand the taste.

My mouth, an awful feeling,

As if I’ve eaten paste.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I start to make kid lunches

Throwing stuff into bags,

Seeing the mess of the night before

Feeling like a nag.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

I rush the kids out the door,

Scared to death of what they think,

Quick try to cover up myself

By cleaning at the sink.

Do I have an alcohol problem?

It’s really hard to focus

Oh Lord, I hate my job,

I can’t look at...