What to Look For in a Sober Coach

By Heather Lowe, BSW, CPRC, CPC, CFAA-HR, PHR, Award-Winning Sober Coach, and Founder of Ditched the Drink

If you're looking for a sober coach, you're standing in a place I know well.

You've probably tried things. Maybe you've quit and started again more times than you'd like to admit. Maybe you've read every quit-lit book on the shelf, listened to all the podcasts, talked to AI in the middle of the night, and gone to a meeting or two. Maybe you've never told anyone how worried about your drinking you actually are.

And now you're wondering whether having an actual person in your corner—"a sober coach"—would make the difference.

Probably yes. But not just any coach. The right coach for you and the wrong one can set you back. So I want to give you what I'd give a friend who was hiring a coach, including for working with someone other than me.

What a sober coach actually does:

A sober coach is a trained, paid professional who walks alongside you while you change your relationship to alcohol. The work usually includes:

• Helping you figure out why you drink: the actual underlying patterns, not just the surface story.
• Building skills and structure for the early days, weeks, and months without alcohol.
• Holding you accountable, being the person who notices what you do and don't do.
• Coaching you through the harder things sobriety surfaces: relationships, identity, anxiety, grief, your relationship to your body, your work, your faith, and your family of origin.
• Helping you build a sober life you actually want to live in. Not just an absence of drinking. The presence of something better.

Coaching is not the same as therapy, AA, or talking to a friend. It's its own thing, and at its best, it pairs well with all of those.

If you want a deeper look at therapy vs. coaching specifically (including a short video), I covered it in this post →

Sober coach vs. therapist vs. sponsor—the short version

People ask me this all the time, and the easy way to remember it is

• A therapist treats mental health and helps you process the past. Licensed. Often a medical model. Best for trauma, depression, anxiety disorders, dual diagnosis.
• A sponsor is a peer mentor in a 12-step program like AA. Free, peer-based. Only relevant if 12-step is your path, and that's not the path most of the women I work with are on.
• A sober coach is a trained professional who works on the practical and emotional present and future—building skills, staying accountable, and designing your sober life. Paid. Usually 1:1 or small group. Best if you want a focused partnership and forward motion.

Many of my clients combine more than one kind of support: a therapist for what's underneath, a coach for what's next, and a community for the daily walk. They're not in competition. They're working different shifts of the same project.

Green flags in a sober coach

Here's what I'd actually look for if I were hiring one tomorrow.

She has lived experience. She's not just a wellness coach who added "sober" to her offerings. She has done this work in her own life. The best coaches in this space know what 6 pm on a Tuesday feels like.

She has training, not just a story. A personal sobriety story is not enough. Look for some combination of ICF certification, a recovery coach credential (CCAR, NAADAC, or IAPRC), trauma-informed training, somatic or nervous-system training, and a CBT/IFS/motivational interviewing background. Different coaches will have different combinations. What matters is some formal training to back the lived experience.

She names what she does and doesn't do. A good coach knows the limits of coaching. She'll refer you to a therapist or doctor when that's what you need. If she says she can do everything for everyone, that's a flag.

She has a clear structure. Sessions on a schedule. A way of working between sessions. Some kind of accountability mechanism. Coaching shouldn't feel like a series of nice chats with no spine.

She lets you talk to her before you sign up. A free intro call (sometimes called a discovery call) is standard practice. You should be able to feel her energy and ask questions before paying anything.

She tells you what it costs and what it includes. No mystery pricing. No bait-and-switch. The relationship starts with honesty about money.

You feel something specific in your body when you talk to her. Not just "She seems nice." Something more like, "I think she could actually see me. I think I could be honest with her."

Red flags

Promises you can't keep. "I'll get you sober." No coach gets you sober. You get yourself sober. A coach helps.

Push to sign up before you're ready. High-pressure sales tactics, false-scarcity countdowns, and "my prices go up tonight." You're vulnerable when you're hiring help. The right coach respects that.

No structure or program. If you can't tell what working together actually looks like, how often you meet, for how long, or with what kind of curriculum or framework, that's a flag.

No referrals out. A coach who acts like coaching is the answer to everything probably isn't ready to coach you well. Real coaches know their lane.

Cult-of-personality energy. She's the only one who can help you. Her method is the only one that works. Run.

Saying you need to label yourself before you start. A coach who insists you call yourself an alcoholic—or who insists you don't—is putting her framework ahead of you.

Questions to ask before you hire

Bring these to your discovery call. Any decent coach will welcome them.

• What's your training and experience?
• What does working together actually look like? How often, how long, and what's between sessions?
• What kinds of clients do you work best with? Who's not a great fit for you?
• What's your approach if I drink while we're working together? (The right answer is some version of "we look at it together, with curiosity, not shame.")
• Do you refer to therapists or doctors when needed?
• What's the investment, and what does it include?
• How do I know if this is working?

You don't need to ask all of them. Pick the three that feel most important to you.

How to know you're ready

You don't need to be sober before you hire a sober coach. You don't need to have it figured out. You don't need to be certain you want to quit. Plenty of my clients started by saying, "I think I want to take a break and see what happens." That's a perfectly real place to start.

What you do need is one moment of willingness. The willingness to let someone else into the conversation you've been having alone in your head for years.

If that's where you are, you're ready.

What working with me looks like

Since I told you I'd give you the same advice I'd give a friend, I'll be honest about my own offer.

I'm a trained sober coach with credentials in social work, recovery coaching, professional coaching, addiction-awareness facilitation, yoga nidra facilitation, SheRecovers Designated Coach, Yale University Certificate of Well-Being trauma-informed care, and human resources (BSW, CPRC, CPC, CFAA-HR, and PHR). I have lived experience too—I've done this work in my own life. I work with women who are ready to change their relationship to alcohol, from women trying to get to day one through women with years of alcohol-free who are still untangling what's underneath. I work 1:1 and through my Insider community.

I have a free discovery call so you can see if we fit. There's no pressure. If you're not a good fit for me, I'll tell you, and I'll point you somewhere better when I can.

Book a discovery call →
Read about working with me →
Join the Insider community →

If you'd like the longer version of how I think about coaching and AI, I wrote about it here.

XO! - Heather

About the author

Heather Lowe is a multi-award-winning sober coach and the founder of Ditched the Drink. She works with women changing their relationship to alcohol; fellow coaches building their practices (drawing on her sales and HR background); and HR teams on alcohol-awareness training. She holds a BSW (Bachelor of Social Work), CPRC (Certified Professional Recovery Coach), CPC (Certified Professional Coach), CFAA-HR (Certified Facilitator of Addiction Awareness in HR), and PHR (Professional in Human Resources). She is also a SHE RECOVERS designated coach, a Yoga Nidra facilitator, and trained in trauma-informed practices. The Insider community welcomes women from day one to over ten years of being alcohol-free. Learn more about working with Heather →

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a sober coach?

A sober coach is a trained, paid professional who walks alongside you as you change your relationship to alcohol. The work focuses on building skills and structure for sobriety, holding you accountable, and helping you create the kind of life you actually want to live alcohol-free. It's distinct from therapy, AA sponsorship, and friendship.

How much does a sober coach cost?

Pricing varies widely. Most 1:1 sober coaches charge between $200 and $1,000+ per month, depending on session frequency, experience, and what's included between sessions. Group programs and communities are generally fewer. Reputable coaches will tell you their pricing clearly before any commitment—no hidden tiers, no pressure tactics.

Do I need to be sober before I hire a sober coach?

No. Many of my clients start before they've quit, in the middle of trying to quit, or after multiple attempts. What you need isn't sobriety. It's one moment of willingness, being ready to let someone else into the conversation you've been having alone in your head.

Sober coach vs. therapist: Which do I need?

Often both are doing different work. A therapist treats mental health and helps you process the past; a sober coach builds the practical and emotional structure of your sober present and future. If you're dealing with significant trauma, depression, or anxiety, start with a therapist. If you want focused partnership on changing your drinking and designing what comes next, work with a coach. Many people benefit from having both. 

Can I work with a sober coach online?

Yes. Most sober coaching now happens online—by Zoom or phone—which makes high-quality coaching available regardless of where you live. Online coaching is just as effective as in-person for most clients and often more sustainable because it fits into real life.

What's the difference between a sober coach and a recovery coach?

The terms overlap, and many coaches use them interchangeably. "Recovery coach" is more common in the addiction treatment world and often implies working alongside formal recovery programs. "Sober coach" is more common in the gray-area-drinking, sober-curious, and "I'm not in a program" world. The work is similar; the language signals which audience the coach serves.

How do I know if a sober coach is right for me?

You'll know in your body more than in your head. Talk to a few. Notice who you feel safe being honest with. Notice who asks you questions that make you think instead of giving you a script. The right coach feels like a relief, not a sales pitch.