Today I am 600 days sober.
Naturally, I have some reflections as I celebrate this milestone.
You are allowed to celebrate everything when you get sober.
You can celebrate 1 hour, 3 days, 27 days, and 2 years + 37 days + 9 minutes.
It doesn’t have to be an even number or a big milestone or anything.
Celebrate your success every single step of the way!
You are accomplishing everything by staying sober every second.
I wrote a blog of thoughts on my 500 days milestone, 1 ½ years, and here I am again at 600 days.
Being sober and adding days still feels like a big deal to me. I hope it always does.
There is a quote that says:
“Sobriety gave me everything alcohol promised.”
Its so true.
I was thinking about this quote in the shower the morning I woke up 600 Days Sober.
I am a long way (600 days to be exact) from feeling hungover as I take my shower, but I do remember the agony of waking up and waiting to see how...
I recently was in West Africa on my dream trip of a lifetime.
The first 5 days were spent working to build and celebrate progress on a new college.
I meet with stakeholders and students.
I cleaned buildings, hung signs, and rearranged desks in classrooms.
The last 2 days of the trip were vacation.
One night was spent at an ecolodge in the jungle
The other night was spent at a 5 star oceanfront hotel.
Our hotel on the first leg of the trip had inconsistent meals, housekeeping, plumbing, and electricity.
It was a welcome reprieve on day 6, to leave our shabby digs, for a night in the beautiful jungle.
We reserved the entire Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary for our group.
We spent the night in individual treehouses.
The intent was to provide us with a much needed, well earned retreat after our work on the college.
The definition of sanctuary is a place of safety and refuge, a natural place, and a holy place.
Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary provided all of...
The key to making my dreams come true, was ditching the drink.
Consuming wine every night, even in moderate amounts, was keeping me small.
Drinking left me with a depressed and desperate feeling.
Recovering from drinking left me feeling anxiety and fear.
I was not living my dream life by any stretch of the imagination.
I was caught in a loop of feeling bad about drinking and then drinking to stop feeling bad.
Wine temporarily took the edge off, but in the long term, drinking left me feeling ashamed, fatigued, and consumed.
My tolerance and dependence on wine snuck up on me and took me by surprise.
Once my drinking became too big of an issue to ignore, I made the decision to remove alcohol from my life. This was painful at first, as any change is. It wasn’t a straight line to sobriety. My husband warned me, our whole life would change. He was right.
My whole life has changed in the past 600 days. Some of it has been incredibly...
What is Recovery Coaching?
A Recovery Coach works with clients and provides non-clinical coaching services for private pay.
A coach uses unique skills and understanding to work with individuals to set goals and work towards removing obstacles to live their best life.
Coaching is not therapy, and coaches do not assess people. Coaching is strengths-based and action oriented with a focus on the present and the future.
The relationship between coach and client is collaborative, with coaches acting in a guiding, not directing role. Coaches can provide reality checks and serve as a change agent to assist you in identifying and achieving the goals that you have chosen for yourself.
Recovery coaches do not offer primary treatment for addiction, meaning I do not diagnose, and I am not associated with any particular method or means of recovery. I believe in many pathways and patchworks, which are as unique as the individuals seeking.
Recovery coaches support any...
Dear You “Not an Alcoholic”,
Denial is strong, so let me put this to you straight.
You don’t see, what I see.
You don’t see that your “one too many but not too much drinking” is at the very least dulling you. Your eyes are half shut when the bottle is gone. Your mind is somewhere else. Your spirit is missing. Your body is slumped.
You are missing it.
You are missing out.
On this thing called life.
I know because I was missing it too.
Yes you were technically sitting there, but you are missing it. People are talking around you and about you and you don’t know.
You missed the way your Little One was singing in the shower and you were laying in bed on the other side of the door but you didn’t hear it, because your head was spinning.
She was singing “Why do you build me up? Buttercup baby just to let me down.” and you didn’t hear it because you were preoccupied...
To those of you newly sober, I just want you to know that NOT DRINKING gets so much easier. I was at a street festival this weekend with live music and I swear I was dancing the hardest and singing the loudest and dare I say having THE MOST fun?
Plus, I was able to buy something something cute at one of the local boutiques because I wasn’t waiting in line or overspending on cheap booze.
I could not have done this on my first night out sober. Oh no.
I was filled with so much fear and anticipation about how to be social without a drink in my hand.
I was afraid to do anything without the security blanket of a drink. I didn’t know sober people even went out. I didn’t know there were things to do at a street festival that didn’t include drinking. I was only... always... drinking.
The only reason I went anywhere was to drink.
On my first nights out as a sober person, I felt like a turtle wanting to crawl back in my shell. I felt raw, naked, and...
I don’t think anybody wants to get sober.
My (Forever Sober) Day 1, was not met with enthusiasm.
I greeted Day 1 with shame and fear.
I was in tears on my knees in surrender.
Something had to change.
I couldn’t go on the way I was going. I knew I was on an elevator that only went down, and it had started to pick up speed in its fast descent.
To keep riding was to lose everything that mattered to me and then die from it.
I could not go on like this.
This could not be my story.
That is what brought me to Day 1, over and over again.
Quitting was an admission of my failure to be normal.
I failed at being a normal drinker.
I had failure to thrive.
Failure to moderate.
Failure to keep drinking but control my drinking.
Gosh darn it, I did it again. I went ahead and got drunk just because I had a drink.
I promised I wouldn’t do this, and I kept doing this.
I was a big...
I heard quitting drinking is a lot like thawing out.
Its wet and messy and there are a lot of tears. I agree with this statement.
I went through a big thaw myself when I got sober.
At first, it was so hard to not have that drink to deal with the things I had been drinking away. The things I had been drinking at.
I am talking about the injustices in my life. The pain, the trauma, the anger and sadness, that I have felt.
I addressed these issues by poisoning myself. You might relate.
It was the only way I knew how.
Drinking did not start out as the problem. Drinking began as the solution to the problem.
As Russell Brand says, “Drugs and alcohol are not my problem. Reality is my problem. Drugs and alcohol are my solution.”
For me, the solution to a bad day = take 2 glasses of wine and call me in the morning.
The solution to being mad at my husband, = Wine! It takes the bitch right out of me!
Lost my keys? My job? My father? Drink. Drink. Drink.
Last year at this time I was 6 months sober. The longest I had ever been sober before this was 5 months a year or so prior. When I hit the 6 month mark I felt incredibly proud that I had quit drinking for that long. I was also very scared because I hit my goal and everything beyond was new territory. I was afraid of my own self sabotage. I still felt one drink away. All. The. Time.
I was sober, but I still was not good enough. I got sober, but I hadn’t lost any weight. My house was not in perfect order. My family didn’t get the memo about my incredible new behavior and they did not hand me any gold stars. I didn’t have sober friends. I didn’t know how to celebrate myself.
I did feel transformed in a way. I knew I was on a path to changing generational patterns. I had saved a lot of money. I hated myself less. There was much improvement but my emotions were still so intense. I spent my 6 month soberversary on the couch crying.
Today I am a...
You mad, Bro?
I am. I have so much anger. You wouldn’t know this from looking at me because I have a generally positive disposition and a very upbeat personality. I am laughing most of the time. I am known for making others laugh too. However underneath the sweet Pollyanna outside, is a volcano of anger. When I was drinking I knew exactly what to do when it started to erupt. Drink, obviously. Drinking would numb the anger or distract me or allow me to ignore it. Being pissed off was automatic permission to drink more. The alcohol would usually take the edge off for me. So it was an effective anger management tool, until it wasn’t. I started being angry all the time. Then I started being under the influence more often than not. Anger is one big reason why I drank. I didn’t want to be angry. Anger is incredibly uncomfortable for me.
I still have anger in sobriety and its still incredibly uncomfortable. I have learned some things about anger and this knowledge...