No Prime Day here, just Bed Rot and a Quiz

Per usual, this newsletter is too long and you can skip past the BS and head straight to the bottom ⬇️ for:

• A poll choosing what kind of information you want to receive from me

• The AFTER Magazine Survey (an easy way to support me)  

• The latest Peripeteia Podcast Guest Reveal (celeb) 

• A story you won’t believe about squirrels 🐿️ 

But first, I got some BS get off my chest.

Last week, I went to my favorite resort in for a quick getaway with my husband. When we planned this, we had no idea we would be in Florida between hurricanes, as in this exact moment a week later, everyone is bracing for another storm. 🙏🏼

During our time away, we recharged at the beach with mostly great weather and supervised a romantic rainstorm or two. We played cribbage (new to us) from our oceanside cabana, which is literally a bed on the beach that included options for sun or shade. Is it called bed rotting if you are in front of the ocean?

I was in and out of sleep, in and out of books, in and out of the ocean. I loved it.

We enjoyed early and delicious fresh seafood dinners before the nightlife started. We watched the sun set, listened to live music, and tucked in early each night. We both started and finished books. We held hands and pointed out bumps in the sidewalks on our little city walks to keep from tripping; we wore our reading glasses and, well, I'd say we’re getting even better at retirement practice. 

I vowed to myself not to scroll my phone for one second during this time and it worked out splendidly for me. I shared some snippets upon my return. This is one boundary I have with social media and I’ll be continuing to share more. Of course I could get the “best content” while I am traveling to beautiful places, but mostly I want to enjoy my time without recording it all. The travel and unplugging are a chance for me to take a break from work, not an opportunity to increase my workload, as tempting as it may be. Taking care of myself is more important than getting content for my audience. Pro tip. 

The good news is that both of us are still fully engaged in our work with no plans to quit our jobs but many plans for more short and long breaks in our future. Some influencers like to “retire their husbands” so they have time to follow them around and take their pictures and this will never be us.

I do hope to influence, but I don’t consider myself an influencer. My husband and I can both retire ourselves and we are both frustrated anytime I ask him to take a picture. 📸 LOL. Could he please just get his finger out of it for once? Put my fabulous shoes in the shot! Get the angle. WTH? 🙄

I love that my job allows me not only the opportunity to work with clients that I admire, an outlet for creative expression, and a way to make a positive social impact but also the financial independence and autonomy to schedule my work (and my life!) in a way that works best for me. If this intrigues you, I am always delighted to share my experience in a complimentary call.

Just this week I was telling someone that coaching is a repeatable system of walking someone through transformation. Even with a social work degree under my belt, I didn’t know what I didn’t know until I became trained and certified as a coach. What I did know is that I had no business offering coaching support until I became trained and certified. 

Alternatively, I also spoke to someone who wasn’t sure if the training and certification (which she called a “piece of paper”) were worth the time or cost. She asked if the piece of paper was going to benefit her and if she would really learn anything that she didn’t already know since she was already doing the work. I asked what coach training or education she had and she replied, “My life experience; people like to talk to me; I have intuition to know what to say; and I am a sponsor.” 

I said it sounds like her natural talents and abilities would be enhanced by learning how to coach. To be clear, they are both valuable, but a sponsor and a coach are not the same. A friend and a coach are not the same. Sharing advice and your personal experience is not coaching. These things can be very helpful but they are not coaching and most people probably don’t know what I know about coaching. I understand the skepticism because I had it too. 

Now I know that coaching is a proven effective dynamic process that creates awareness, clarifies purpose, and facilitates results. On two client calls yesterday, the client ended the call thanking me for drawing something out of them that they didn’t know was there. They ended the call in much better headspace than the beginning of the call. The left confidently with a plan for healing, growth, and repair. They were able to address the root issues that were brewing beneath the surface. Never once did I tell anybody what to do with their life. I am not the expert on them. They are. I love my job. 💕

Coaching is an unregulated industry, so anyone can call themselves a coach with no training, knowledge, education, or certification. Some people say they are coaches when they are really content creators. These are not the same things. As a coach, I create content but that is not my job. I don’t get paid to do this and I don’t want to. My inbox is full of invitations to sell things for people. I am not interested.

I am interested in guiding people through a process of transformation back to their true selves and the goals behind content creation don’t always align with that. 

What’s the difference? I wrote a blog to start the conversation. 

I use social media but social media is not my job. I don’t want it to be.

I see the devastation heading towards Florida and it is currently intersecting with Amazon Prime Day (a way for companies to test products and systems before holidays). Influencers are feeling conflicted by having to share products (per their contracts) and feeling inauthentic during this time. I don't want to be in this position.

Many momfluencers are grateful for the work-from-home opportunity and also their hair is literally falling out from the stress of reaching metrics and creating content to please their audiences, the algorithm, their contracts, and more.

Nowhere in that measurement of that success is personal health, happiness, freedom, or joy. There may be increasing dollar signs and a large audience, but at what cost? 

All in a day, I read three articles that disturbed me. I am not endorsing or agreeing with these; I haven't fact checked anything. I am just sharing what came across my computer. It was all disheartening. It's a problem if these reports are true and also if they are not.

 These are the people who social media has told me, as a coach, to strive to be.

Welcome Back Social Media Fall

Freeze the Fear, Batter Your Wife, Terrorize Your Children (Wim Hoff)

The Unraveling of Jay Shetty Celebrity Guru

These articles came after I downloaded a free guide from a well-known top “Girl Boss”  known for helping female entrepreneurs build and grow. The download was a multipage PDF document that basically said find what is popular by a competitor and then copy it.

This download came directly after a dear friend and colleague of mine took my unique quote on something and then posted it on Instagram as her own. Maybe she got the PDF too? 

This was after I sent my friend, who IS a content creator, a reel of someone who copied her reel exactly. The one that went viral. She must’ve got the PDF download. 

It’s annoying. Right?! Possibly dangerous even.

Then an artist, Lindsey Cherek Walker, shared her work and Shein has multiproduced products with her original art on them. Imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but this is maddening.  

So to be clear, the most popular social media people are not necessarily the most intelligent, kind, genuine, creative, wealthy, or perhaps most importantly…they are not always the most free, even when they are preaching about how they “built their empire”. Make all the money and never work or whatever it is. I don't choose for that at all. I prefer to love my work and keep working at it.

Many of them are paid by other people to sell their things so they report to them and the algorithm. They are babes that report to a boss—more than boss babes, let’s say.

So for me, the best use of my time is to limit my time on social media because what other people are doing is none of my business but it’s hard not to get caught up in it. 

It’s designed for you to get caught up in it. Followed immediately with a suggestion via sponsored ad to buy something to fix it.

In my last newsletter, I promised more to come on this, and there’s a little bit more. I have to stop myself from a full rant, so I am not sure what I will share next but let’s move on. 

Monday 10/14 from 6–7 pm CST, you can join the Insider Members and me in a Live Find Your Unicorn Space Small Group Workshop. Finding Your Unicorn Space is the active and open pursuit of creative self-expression in any form that makes you uniquely YOU. Grab your free trial and join us here.

This is a perfect way to introduce yourself to the group with a guided activity if you've been too shy, scared, or unsure.

I watched Will and Harper and Nobody Wants This on Netflix. I enjoyed both but LOVED Nobody Wants This. 

I recently read Swan Song by Erin Hilderbrand, Ambition Monster: A Memoir by Jennifer Romolini, and Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt.

I made a huge batch of chili mac and the Jennifer Aniston Salad.  

I recommend both comfort and nourishment. 

Take this Quiz: What are you seeking?

This will help me custom curate what you receive from me based on your interests. 

One thing you can do to support me is to participate in the AFTER Magazine 3rd Annual Alcohol-Free Survey. It's a 100% write-in survey, giving you the chance to share your experiences and opinions. The results will be published in the Winter 2024 issue this December. I'd love to see the Ditched the Drink INSIDERS as the best NA community, Peripeteia Podcast as the best podcast, and of course a nomination for most influential person. If any of these things have helped you, will you please cast a vote here? 

THANK YOU!

You can also vote for your favorite drinks and Sober in the City as the best travel experience if you wish! Cast your vote now! 

This week’s Peripeteia Podcast Guest is Dedee Pfeifner. She’s a dynamo. 

Dedee Pfeiffer, award-winning actor and producer (and Michelle Pfeiffer’s younger sister), in an engaging conversation all about Dedee’s path to recovery, personal growth, and finding purpose beyond her acting career. From her roles on ‘Cybil’ and 'Big Sky' to earning a master's in social work, Dedee talks openly about her struggles with addiction, her journey towards sobriety, and the impact of sharing her story publicly. Explore her experiences in rehab, her quest for spirituality, the importance of curiosity over resistance, and how sobriety has deepened her connection to herself and Mother Earth. Dedee's story is a testament to the transformative power of owning one's truth and the significance of living authentically.

Squirrel update: while on that trip waiting for an Uber at the entrance to our resort, a guest walked in with a pet squirrel in a cage. I am not kidding. I had my husband verify what I was seeing and he confirmed, yup, that’s a pet squirrel in a cage (with blankets and toys). I hadn't seen my very own Bullwinkle squirrel since I”ve returned, but I did see a squirrel roadkill on my walk the other day. There’s no way of knowing but I’m giving it some time before I replace my screens and open my windows again. My mom had a better meaning of squirrel than I did. It reminds me of the Insider Membership. 

“Squirrel has another lesson that can aid you if you observe what is obvious and which can prepare you for anything. It has to do with a safe place in which to put your gatherings. This safe place is an untroubled heart and mind; in that which is gathered to put in this place is wisdom and caring. The energies gathered will set your mind and heart free so that you will know that all will be taken care of in it’s own time. Apply this to your fears about the future and they will vanish.”

As I hit publish this morning, on this newsletter Bullwinkle is back making eyes at me from the deck. To be continued...