When Rage Surprises You

I had the most wonderful week in Naples, Florida, with my family.

Sun.
Salt air.
Slow mornings.
The kind of trip you’re supposed to feel nothing but grateful for.

And then something happened that I want to tell you about—it’s a little personal.

I got in a small tiff with my husband in front of the kids.

It wasn’t a big deal.
But I didn’t like his tone.

When I named it, his reaction made it worse—sarcasm.
And to be clear, my wonderful husband was in the wrong here.
He realized it quickly and apologized, because he is good at that.

The problem?

I couldn’t get over it.

Nearly 24 hours later, I was still pissed.

Even my daughters were basically like,
“Mom, Dad was wrong… But can you be normal and get in a good mood?”

I wanted to.
I really did.

But I couldn’t.

I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s trip, so I kept to myself as best I could. I went for a long walk on the beach, the kind where you’re hoping movement might shake something loose.

About a mile away from our spot, an unexpected storm rolled in out of nowhere.

Dark clouds.
Wind whipping.
Sand stinging my legs.

And I loved it.

I ran back toward our spot, hair wild and heart pounding, and I screamed back at the ocean:

“Yes, Mama, let's roar! I’m mad as hell too!”

I don’t mind anger.
I don’t mind intensity.

It’s just… a little inconvenient for the people around me.

What scared me wasn’t that I felt angry; it was that I couldn’t move through it the way I used to.

That lingering heat.
That tightness.
That feeling of, why is this still here?

So many women ask me this quietly:

“What is wrong with me lately?”

And here’s what I want to say gently.

For many of us, this season overlaps with perimenopause, hormone shifts that lower emotional tolerance and intensify feelings. Add years of emotional labor, holding families, calendars, relationships, and moods, and suddenly what you used to swallow doesn’t go down so easily anymore.

Not because you’re weaker.

Because you’ve been strong for a very long time.

Rage isn’t random.

It’s often grief that never had space.
Boundaries that were never allowed.
Needs that were always last.

What ultimately helped me wasn’t fixing anything.

It was connection.

I opened the Insider Community app and saw another woman write that she felt “tight, mad, and hot.”

Then I texted a few sober friends and heard things like:

“Same, Heather. I have such a hard time getting over it, even when it’s over.”

“I had a rage shower this morning.”

And just like that—the heat softened.

Not because the situation changed.

But because I wasn’t alone inside it anymore.

If you’ve been feeling anger that surprises you—or scares you—I want you to know this:

You are not broken.
You are not unsafe.
You are not losing yourself.

Something inside you is asking for care.

Inside the Insider Community, we hold these moments gently—without urgency, without shame, and without needing to “calm down” or “be better.”

Just women telling the truth and letting it be held.

If you need a place to land, you’re always welcome.

I added a new yoga nidra meditation to our library for when you feel rage. We'll keep exploring together.  

Here are a few more links to keep you connected...

🤍 Join the Insider Community with a free 7-Day Trial

💌 Your Invitation to an In-Person Galentine's Party

🤠 Join us for a Sober in the City Western Wellness Retreat in Colorado