The Empty Nest Isn't What I Was Expecting

Hi friend,

Well. I'm an empty nester.

I keep waiting for the floor to drop out, and instead I keep catching myself being proud of myself.

Here's what I did this week. I went to yoga twice. I went to the doctor for a checkup I really did not want to go to, and he handed me one of the healthiest reports of my entire life. I had a girl dinner with my friends. I went to the French market with my friends. I watched the sunset with my husband.

That's the list. And I'm not being cute about it—I am a high-achieving, overfunctioning, extroverted people pleaser, and taking care of myself has never been my default setting. It's a decision I make on purpose, over and over, usually while some old voice tells me it's selfish.

I have no less than 250 projects saved. Things I want to make, places I want to see, a whole life's worth of someday sitting on my phone. That list used to feel like pressure. This week it felt like an invitation.

And then there's her.

She texted me: Mom, I'm genuinely so happy. And then: Mom, thank you for giving me the best life.

I read it twice and wanted to take the credit. But that life isn't mine. It's hers. She's the one living it.

The tears keep bubbling up. Not sad ones. Pride, joy, delight—this wild excitement for her and for what's coming for her. And it turns out, for me too.

Then she sent me a picture of her first friends in her dorm room, and it gave me such a homesick feeling for a place I can't go back to. I could still name the first seven girls who walked into my dorm room who would become my bridesmaids. I know exactly what she's standing in the middle of, and part of me would give anything to stand there one more time, and all of me is glad it's her turn.

Here's the part I'll say plainly, because it's why I'm writing to you and not just journaling: I would not have had this week in my old life. The checkup I dreaded. The sunset. Yoga twice. The delight. You cannot feel any of it through a haze you're creating on purpose. Getting sober didn't hand me a perfect life—it handed me the one I'm actually awake for.

Inside this week

Healing Sensations Through Emotions with Brandy. Learning to feel what's happening in your body instead of talking yourself out of it or pouring something over it. This is the work underneath all the other work, and I'm so glad she's the one leading it.

Come with me.

Three new clients start with me next week, and I have room for a few more before the end of the year. With my kid off, I have capacity for more clients.

If you've been reading these letters for a while and thinking someday—this is what someday looks like. It starts with one conversation, no pressure, and nothing to prepare. Just book a complimentary call and let's talk about where you actually want to be in six months.

Join me on this journey of becoming in midlife. It's so much better out here than I expected.

XO! 

Heather

P.S. — There's one spot left at the retreat. There's a lot of interest, and only one person can have it. If something in you just perked up, reply and tell me or grab your spot here.

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