Shaking Like a Live Wire

Hi,

On my 30th birthday (20 years ago!), I was in the Bahamas with my girlfriends, in a string bikini, in the hottest body I have ever had. My firstborn was one. And I had never felt more disconnected from myself in my life.

I couldn't drink enough. I couldn't get enough attention. I couldn't smoke enough Marlboro Lights to quiet the buzz humming under my skin. A local man was giving foot massages on the beach, so I got one in an attempt to relax. He held my foot, looked up, and said, "You are shaking like a live wire, lady."

He was right. I had the body everyone said I should want, and I couldn't feel a thing inside it besides not enoughness and fear.

Just a few weeks ago, I walked uphill from the ocean to the poolside at a Maui resort wearing a swimsuit with no coverup. I spent an afternoon painting by myself with the ocean view feeling completely content. I let the pool boys bring me chairs and umbrellas. I let the managers my own age try to flatter me—and I just didn't care. Not in a bitter way. I simply didn't need anything from any of it.

At 50, I'm old to some and the youngest of the old to others. And with that age has come a freedom in my body I never once had at 30. I'm not performing for attention. I'm not criticizing myself either. I'm just enjoying how it feels to live in this 50-year-old body, holding the 30-year-old inside of me. I am giving my body pleasure. Throwing myself into the cold, salty waves with enthusiasm. Tasting the wasabi mashed potatoes. Stretching out from head to toe on the pool lounge. Feeling the sand under my toes the whole length of the beach. Hiking up to the waterfall. Standing under the bamboo trees, hearing them click above me, in complete wonder.

I am thrilled to be alive. Thrilled to be here at 50—not too chubby with a round belly and full, solid thighs; not too old; and not ashamed of a single thing. Just delighted with myself, the way a toddler is delighted to find their toes before anyone teaches them not to be.

That live wire finally stopped shaking. And it turns out it was never the bikini, or the cocktail, or the cigarette. It was this.

That's what Soak Up Summer is about.

Summer has a way of blurring by—a haze of patios and 'just one more,' and then suddenly it's September and you can't quite remember it.

What if this one didn't?

At the free Soak Up Summer (skip the hangover) workshop on June 21, I'm handing out my '22 Ways to Indulge in an Alcohol-Free Summer' playbook.

A taste:

• Catch a sunrise—the one show only no-hangover people get to see.
• A smutty beach read and a whole day alone to disappear into it.
• A fussy little dessert project — strawberry icebox cake — just because.
• Buy the best dress, then find a place to wear it.
• Get in a body of water. Lake, ocean, and pool passes. Pay for it. Do it anyway.
• An outdoor concert, fully present, remembering every single song.

None of it is about deprivation. It's about pleasure, freedom, and feeling like yourself again—which, it turns out, is what we were chasing in the glass the whole time.

I'll walk you through all 22, sorted, so you leave with a real, personalized plan—not a vague intention.

→ Grab your free seat (replay included): REGISTRATION LINK

And if you've been thinking about a bigger reset, the timing is perfect—I'll share what we're doing for Dry July and our Sober Summer Challenge at the end. Come for the 22 ideas; stay for the summer that changes things.

XO,

Heather