Do I Have an Alcohol Problem?

I wake up in a panic

No desire to start my day

Thinking of last night

Oh God, what did I say?

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I chug a glass of water

On the table beside my bed

I recognize hangover symptoms

Starting with

My pounding head.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I head into the bathroom

My system is not right

At one glance in the mirror

I hate the ugly sight.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I head downstairs for coffee.

Not sure I can stand the taste.

My mouth, an awful feeling,

As if I’ve eaten paste.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I start to make kid lunches

Throwing stuff into bags,

Seeing the mess of the night before

Feeling like a nag.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I rush the kids out the door,

Scared to death of what they think,

Quick try to cover up myself

By cleaning at the sink.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

It’s really hard to focus

Oh Lord, I hate my job,

I can’t look at my computer,

I am holding back a sob.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

Now it’s time for lunch,

I need to treat myself right

Fast food to fill my belly

Erase the drinks from last night.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

Ok now my tummy’s full

The headache starts to go

Now I am so tired

My mood is dipping low.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I’ll ignore my work ahead

Head to bed to catch some rest

That way when the kids come home

For sure, I’ll be my best.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

Oh crap! The kids are here,

I am not ready to give them a greeting

I hate myself so much right now,

Kids grow and time is fleeting. 

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I slap a smile on my face,

I love my kids the most

I’ll start to make dinner for them

As for me, I’ll just have toast.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

It’s almost evening now

Long night, oh what a bore!

I’ll do the carpool drop off

Then grab wine from convenience store

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I race home to open the bottle

My heart flame starts to burn

A quick call to my sweet spouse

Remind him about pick up, it’s his turn.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

As I uncork the bottle

Sweet relief rushes over me

The first sip satisfaction

Finally, I can just be me.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

My gosh this wine is great

My edges blurred and good.

I fall into euphoria

My mind is understood.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

Another glass or two or more

It’s almost to the end

It’s shocking how fast it goes

My rules, I’ll have to bend.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

If I leave now I’ll be back in time

With a new bottle in hand

I am feeling oh so good right now

My family won’t understand.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I’ll just keep drinking this drink

And hope and pray for the best

When my family bounces through the door

They can see, I am a mess.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

That’s fine, they can go upstairs.

Time for bed anyway.

I’m so mad they are ungrateful

For all I did today.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

Hallelujah I am alone. 

On the couch now with my drink.

Oh God I am so lonely,

Who to call? What will they think?

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I dial a few friends, no one answers, 

No one cares.

I actually hate everyone

Into the darkness I sit and stare.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

One more drink and I’ll head up 

To bed and call it a day.

Oh my God this wine is gone

I'll throw the evidence away.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I stumble up the stairs

To my family already asleep

Oh no, now I am so sad,

I fall down and start to weep.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I throw myself into bed

It's the best that I can do

I’ll try again tomorrow

Maybe quit, but I don’t want to.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

A rerun this morning

A repeat again today

You’ve heard this all before

For decades I will say…

 

I wake up in a panic

No desire to start my day

Thinking of last night

Oh God, what did I say?

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

 

I have an alcohol problem

It’s alright and it’s ok.

I can be honest, get some help,

I’ll start with just today.

 

I do not know what’s ahead

But I can’t go on this way.

I’ll start and try again

Terrified of what they’ll say.

 

One foot in front of the other

I could use a little love

Fall to my knees in final surrender

Ask for help from heaven above.

 

Just one day at a time

I am doing this just fine

Reclaim the life that I love

It’s me and it’s all mine.

 

The lessons that I learn from this

Lead me back to me

Thank God for my alcohol problem

For the awakening I see.

 

Do I have an alcohol problem?

Yes and it's no more.

I was able to move past it and return back to my core.