Welcome, Stacy Fig to the Parapet podcast. I am so grateful to have you here. I know you've got a big story to share and you've never shared it publicly before, so I'm really grateful to be the one to be able to have this conversation with you. Will you start with a little background about who you are and where you're from, and what you have is actually. A before and a after, right? So
Yeah.
you had something like major happen in your life. Tell us who you were before it happened, and then tell us what happened.
So my name is Stacy Figg. I I'm a native of Detroit, but after college my career brought me to Grand Rapids, Michigan. And this is where I met my husband. And we built a family of four Here I have a daughter. Who is now 15 and a son who is 12. I am a postpartum doula in my community and work for a nonprofit organization.
We have a dog, Roxy, who is a new member of the family, so that's exciting. So really?
regular,
Yeah. Yeah.
like 2.5 kids, a dog, a white picket
Yeah.
Rapids is absolutely adorable. So
Yes.
per picture. Perfect. Am I right?
So you would think, right?
Yeah. Sounds dreamy so far.
Yeah. So we've been in, or I've been in Grand Rapids since, the since 2000 when I started my job here and things, materially materialized, got married in 2007, had our first baby in 2010, and living happily married since, and then, after the pandemic things were crazy.
My husband actually had been a bank executive at a privately held bank small business bank for 30 years. And I. One day came home and told me that he had left the bank, and was pretty unsettling to me as that had not been in our plan. And things just didn't sit well with me. At that time I, I felt like something just wasn't right.
But we went on our way and I was working at the time as a postpartum doula and looking into some other work. And I. He took a break and then started to look into some other work. And that I would say was in 2021 maybe. I. So things just went on. I started some work with a nonprofit and then in late 2022 we had just been through an awful snowstorm.
I had quite a day and John and the kids were out skiing, and I had received a text from a friend that said praying for you. Hope you're doing okay. And I thought that was peculiar as I didn't really understand what she was talking about. So I had texted some other friends and who had known her and just said, do you, have you heard anything?
What's going on? I don't understand. The,
storm, but I don't need her prayers because of
yeah. What's happening? So I just happened to pull up our local news reel and that's when I found out that my husband was being charged with embezzlement by the federal government and unbeknownst to me obviously. And so that's what her text message was alluding to.
What was going through your mind? When you pulled that up and saw, did you see your husband's face? Was there a picture
there was not a picture, it was just a picture of the federal building downtown.
And you saw his name and the charges,
And it was a shock and surprise to you.
Absolutely. This was not the man that I knew. Just a pit in my stomach and part of me was like, I told you because I just knew when he told me he left the bank, it was just something just told me. My intuition, my gut told me that. His career there wouldn't end that way. We would've had a conversation about it. You just don't end a 30 year career.
I thought he would've retired from there. And unfortunately that night he was skiing with the kids. So I was alone at home. And so the first thing I did was call my sister. I just was in a quandary. I was upset. I saw my whole world shatter. So then when they got home later on it was very hard to talk.
The kids were around.
You hadn't told him that you knew this news you had, that you found this out until
I had text him, but the at the ski hill the technology isn't great, so I couldn't call him to calls, don't go through text messages, don't necessarily go through. So he had seen the news. I at least knew that when he was there, he had seen the news, he knew that it was out. So he knew that there was an investigation going on.
My mental health at the time wasn't great. Coming out of COVID, I was going through some things, so that was his reasoning for not sharing it with me. They didn't know him and his attorney didn't know where things were gonna go. So apparently because it was year end, the federal government had to file some paperwork.
The newswire picked it up and published it online. I don't believe it was came across the TV wire, but it did come across online. So Facebook on their local app, things like that. So anybody that was looking at that, saw it,
Word was getting out. And
yeah.
this moment, your world completely flipped upside down. You knew there
Yeah.
and after. My life will never look the same.
Yeah.
major, this is traumatic.
There's no going back. Everything has changed. But also it was almost like an answer to a mystery solved
You never really trusted that ending his job at the bank.
It never felt right to you.
No. No, I was never settled. I never got really the answers that I was looking for. And even his body language, the way things were being handled with customers, he had long-term bank customers that if things are ended in an amicable way, you still continue some of those relationships. So I just was unsettled in that.
Yeah, finally that was answered. There had been some knocks at the door during that year and a half that I was questioned who are they and why are they here? But I trusted John. I trusted his judgment. I trusted, he had an explanation for it. And so I just, I don't know a lot about the banking world and finance and all of that, so I trusted what he was telling me.
And I don't, and. If he said he had written a couple of bad loans and so they were there to ask him questions about it. And okay. That sounds okay. It's like something that they would do to get, the books tied up, whatever the case may be. But I have to say that the minute I heard the news, I always imagined John behind bars or in an orange jumpsuit. I always had incarceration at the top of mind.
Your intuition is strong. You knew it all along. The initial news came out, said he was being charged with these things, but not yet guilty of these
With embezzlement.
You already knew he was guilty and he was gonna be behind bars.
Had a vision, you saw it
You know love and trust was
In a orange
Yeah. After many discussions February came around and it was time for him to be arraigned. So mid-February we had to go to the federal courthouse. And so what happened was the bank decided that they weren't gonna charge him criminally, but once they. Filed with their insurance or whatever they have to do, make a claim.
Then the federal government picked that up and decided to charge him federally for the embezzlement. So he's being charged by the federal government for the embezzlement. So we go to the federal courthouse and it was terrifying. To see your loved one sit in a courtroom like that as a defendant, hearing the charges read.
But at that time, they hadn't fully known what the total amount of money was, so he pled not guilty that day. So then what we had to do, and that day, I decided to go alone. So there was no one there with me. I sat there alone and, that he had to be fingerprinted. And something else after the after the arraignment and I literally walked out of the courtroom and there was a line of prisoners in orange jumpsuits standing in the hallway waiting to go into their courtroom.
And it just like that visual will never leave my mind. So I had to wait there for him to be fingerprinted. So then come March he had to go and be arraigned again because then they had the correct numbers, the correct allotment of money, right? So then he had to go back for an arraignment and plead guilty.
I thought I'm not gonna go back again. That was so traumatizing. So he went, pled out. Then that day the news picked it up. They didn't in February for some reason, but this time in March they did. And it was all over the news, all over the local news. So it didn't hit that much in December.
And I think a lot of people didn't find out about it because everybody was traveling for the holidays. But March it. Blew up so everyone in the community found out. So I literally felt like every time I left my house, I was wearing a billboard. Whether I was at the grocery store, the local mall, at school, anywhere and everywhere.
I felt like I was wearing a billboard, that my husband was a felon.
Yeah. What was it like from December till March when you, between you and your husband, you had this information, you knew it was coming, there was a lot of unknowns, but there was some knowns, but it wasn't public, quite public yet, and it was just you and him
Our kids didn't know. So our kids don't know.
Tell us
So I literally some days would drive my kids to school and come back and lay on the floor and sob.
You weren't telling them you were holding this so much, you were alone when you heard about it, you were alone in that courtroom. This is a big load to carry. And what was your relationship with John?
It depended on the day
it was like there's gotta be some anger there.
we were both in therapy. He knew the days that. Not to talk to me. He knew the days that I needed him. He knew the days that I needed an apology over and over again,
but I knew deep down this was not the man that I knew. The embezzlement started in 2014. And this was 2023.
And what happened was we were short on bills and he found a way to do it, take a little bit of money to help us. And it turned into sort of an addiction where I'm gonna skim a little off the top. I'll pay it back. We all know how that goes. You don't end up paying it back and then it builds and builds.
And I remember reading very early on a really good article by. An FBI investigator that does works on embezzlement cases, and they said nobody sets out an embezzlement and writes themselves a $2.5 million check. It starts with little amount and it builds and builds. Just like in a gambling addiction.
Yeah, it's like adrenaline.
Nobody, yeah, nobody sets out to, gamble away, millions of dollars. It starts with a dollar bet or a $2 bet, and then it builds and it's the same type of thing. John had no idea that when they came out with the total amount, he thought it was maybe half of that. He had no idea the amount because they're not keeping a spreadsheet of what they've taken.
He did pay the bank back the amount of money that he took. He used our 401k to pay that back
without me knowing,
but that's the deal. The bank made him that. If you turn that over, we won't press charges. Little did he know that when they filed the claim with the insurance that he would be federally prosecuted.
So after March we met with his attorney. Again to find out when his sentencing would be. And there's federal guidelines. They have a graph depending on how many, the number of victims you have during your crime, whether or not you have a criminal history, there's just a grid that they follow.
And depending on how many points you have, that's the amount of years that you're gonna serve. And that's really when it came to light that. He was gonna end up serving time in a federal facility. And I was just sick about it. You never imagine that you're gonna know someone, let alone a loved one who's gonna be incarcerated. Especially your husband.
Our family was so lucky to have such an amazing amount of support from not only our community, a school community, our kids, friends, and family. Once you know. The kids found out, the adults so fast forward to mid July was his sentencing date. We went to Kalamazoo, Michigan to the federal court and there we went to the court proceeding and.
Family and friends were there to support him and he was sentenced to what I believe was 42 months in a federal facility. And again, it was very hard to sit in that courtroom, hear those allegations read.
About a man that has worked
so hard his entire life,
who came from, a very poor community. He's one of 10 kids, has given so much. I was standing there,
the judge was very granted him stay for through September so he could be home for our son's 12th or 11th birthday, so then we went home and had to overcome our next hurdle, and that was to tell the kids. And there's no federal level one prison in Michigan. We found out that he would be in a prison in West Virginia, which was good and bad because it's a federal prison camp, which it's barrier free.
There's a lot of freedom. However, it was seven hours away from Grand Rapids. So seeing him was a barrier. But we told the kids the end of July, which was one of the hardest days of my life.
Rowan, our youngest, essentially went into shock. Him and John are very close. I think he was only 10 at the time. Riley, who's a little bit older, was able to handle it a little bit more. She just wanted to know if he was gonna be safe and if he was gonna come back.
And then on September 19th, I drove him to West Virginia and dropped him off at the federal facility. So within a nine month period
from hearing on the news. Watching him be arraigned, plead out, be sentenced, tell our kids, and then dropped him off at a federal facility all within less than a year's time. It was extremely hard in my whole entire world has been. Turned upside down from that standpoint.
Wow, Stacy, that's so much. And then he's gone and you have the burden of single parenting
Yeah.
Financial burden.
Yeah. Carrying everything. And like I said, we were so lucky to have so much support around us, but being the single mom, I work 40 hours a week. My, so the first year my kids were at the same school, but then Riley was a freshman, so then I had them at two different schools. But between sports working. Trying to manage my emotions, their emotions, support them mentally emotionally was extremely hard.
That first, at least four to six months, it was like drinking from a fire hose. I couldn't do it. We were all in therapy. We had our first. I think that, no, he went September. I think it was November. We went for our first visit
which wonderful to see him, but every time we left it was like we were retraumatized. In the mental load of doing it all. There were, I was up at six every morning and wasn't going to bed till 11 o'clock, and I was just like, some days after, again, after dropping them off school, I would just throw myself on my bed. And because there wasn't enough of me and I was exhausted, I don't, John and I don't have family here.
Granted, our family was doing all they could to support us in any way possible financially, emotionally. But there's just there's just only so much they can do. Like I had to, and I think my kids wanted me even more to be in all the places because they were missing their dad so much.
There were so many people that stepped up for us, so many people, and I'm so thankful for that. It helped so much with the shame and the judgment that I was feeling in those times, in those days. Like I said, when I left the house, I always felt like regardless of where I was, that I was being judged or shamed for what went on.
And fortunately those that are close with us, the families, the friends know John's true character, know that this was an honest mistake that he. Regrets and will for the rest of his life. And unfortunately, it's really damaged a lot of those around him. Especially me, I've lost so much of myself.
There's been friends lost, there's been, things that I enjoy that I don't get to do anymore.
But like I said, I know that this was an honest mistake and leaving him or being angry with him would only do more harm. And don't get me wrong I find myself sometimes still angry, but we've done so much repair. There's been so many, there were so many discussions while he was incarcerated at him, and I sat for hours at a time talking about the ins and outs of why and what and how, and.
This wasn't just about taking money, it's deep. It goes deeper than that. And I told him early on that, he needed to start peeling back the onion and figure that out because if he didn't figure that out, there wasn't gonna be a him and I. And luckily he was able to get into a really specialized program at the prison he was in.
And, it's a nine month program where there's a lot of peer support. And so I think it really did so much for him in that regard. It's called, they call it RDAP and it's only available at certain prisons, but he was able to do that. And then once he was released they continue to have, they continue to have facilitate the program outside of the prison at different facilities in the community. Just a really great program that he was really able to dig deeper down into, the wises as far as the crime goes. Just a lot of repair.
For him. Yeah. It's been a healing journey for him, for you. But for him too.
Caught almost maybe is a relief in some way that the cycle will stop.
It is interesting because prior to him being caught, there was a lot of anger that was seeping through and for no reason, no apparent reason, and I couldn't pinpoint it. And now that's no longer there. Even other people have made comments like, before the embezzlement came out, but after him leaving the bank oh, he just seems like a different person.
Just seems really a lot more relaxed.
It's a lot to hold a secret.
Yeah.
Interesting. He
Just that pressure.
Yeah, and the it started as a way to protect
Financially, be the provider and everything he thought he was supposed to be, or a banker supposed to be. And a
Yeah.
I'll pay you back a little bit more.
I'll pay it back.
Like I said, almost starts to feel like a rush. Like I'm getting
More and
And my wife is happy, the kids are happy. I'm signed up for all the
I got the house, the dog things are
Yeah.
Until they're not. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
it sounds like
I.
forever you recognized. This is a good person who I love, who you married, who you chose to spend your life with, who's has some behavior that I
Yeah.
But you didn't doubt him and his character, it
Behavior that you were not happy with.
Such a big heart from the beginning. Such a big heart. So caring has always been a caretaker, like for his parents, his siblings just always there, but. Just like the behavior as time went on, his behaviors, the anger, the aggression, short fuse the drinking all was like ramping up. And like I said, I couldn't pinpoint it.
And then once he left the bank,
It all started to like even out and I couldn't, and I was like, I knew his. Job was like stressful, but not that stressful. And then when this all came out, it was like, okay, now all the puzzle pieces are coming together. But like I said from the start when he left the bank, I'm like, he didn't just leave the bank on his own.
I knew there was something there because of how things went down.
Perhaps it was
yeah.
to not dig deeper in that yourself.
Yeah.
you hindsight, looking back, you can see
But when you're
Yeah.
in the moment, it's survival perhaps.
yeah. Absolutely.
to just
Yeah.
very off. I know this isn't the answer. I'm not gonna ask any more questions and I gotta get to work.
Huh. Exactly. I got other things to tend to, like he could take care of himself. Yeah. Moving right along. Yeah, exactly.
For
Yes, exactly. Yeah.
Yeah.
in some ways you did, but the way you tell the story, it doesn't sound like you considered leaving him. Like even when you say like you saw him behind bars, it's almost like you saw your husband in a orange But you're not saying, I saw my ex-husband in a orange jumpsuit.
No, you're right. I
it's not that I didn't think about that, but when I did the moment was very fleeting. I just, it's such a, that's such an interesting question because I really, that wasn't an option for me. I just, there's so much hurt
to see my kids without their dad to feel his absence, John. Has always been such a present in presence in our home. He could always come and go. His work, his, it was very flexible. He could take the kids to school, he could pick them up. He could, he was always very present at home, and so his absence was like, there's like a hole in our hearts.
When he was gone.
And I knew that's how it would be, and I didn't want that for the rest of our lives.
Yeah.
We had a great relationship. It wasn't, he was a banker, I thought like he had the money taken care of. He was the spender. He was, I just always assumed like things were taken care of. Which now rules are reversed.
I, it was before like ignorance was bliss. I found out the hard way that's not how things always work. I have so many friends that are like, oh my gosh, he's got the spreadsheet out again. It's making me crazy. And I'm like, fuck, I wish I would've had that. I wish.
gonna say. With some of the judgment, let's say, and the changing relationships, didn't people assume you were in on it, that you wanted it or demanded it or asked for it, or
I was not the spender in the relationship. Like I'd be like, let's. Yeah, let's go get like the $10 gap t-shirt and he's over at some other place buying like the $99 t-shirt. I'm like, what do you, but I was always like, he grew up like poor. So he likes nice things. He works hard. He can, okay, fine. I'm like the sale at find me a sale.
I don't buy anything that's not on sale. Find me a bargain. Like I like nice things, but I don't like to pay full price. It's, yeah.
like my husband's always like this rubbish,
i.
I'm gonna repaint it, I'm gonna sand it and make it pretty. It's gonna shine like a diamond. Yeah. Yeah, I just, yeah. So I was always like, he's the spender, not me. And if I'm gonna buy something really nice, I'm gonna use my own money.
That's how I just always was. So yeah, I didn't worry.
I didn't like,
So
unless I got a.
you were not part of it. Friendships were
No.
Tell me about that reputation in town. You had people that were very supportive and then perhaps people that weren't. Can you tell me what support looked like and what came from the maybe
Like
or cut off relationship?
like meal trains. After John left, like every Wednesday somebody brought a meal, help with rides from school to sporting events. People taking the kids so that I could get a break. The school, my kids both go to tuition based school, so they've helped their help with bills, help with.
Anything financial. And then, yeah, relationships, like just people showing up to like in the moment because it's.
In vogue, if you will, and then just disappearing because because they wanna know the nitty gritty and then just fading out because it's just that,
They wanna know the gossip
Is really
been really hurtful. It hard to swallow. Or because you don't have anything to give anymore in return, people just fading out. Some people think we owe them an explanation for why it happened, therefore, or just that they're better than this, so they don't wanna be associated, which is fine.
But no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and one mistake doesn't outweigh the other mistakes. Also as far as anger goes I chose to let the justice system do the work and.
That's how John that's the punishment that John had to take. So that's how I look at, like he doesn't need my anger to punish him more. I let the justice system do that work. That's how he had to repay society. He'll say. I have to earn my way back or I have to repay society.
And even his probation officer was like, you've already done that. You've repaid the bank. You've you've paid your dues by being incarcerated. Like you've already repaid society. Now you have to reintegrate yourself. And he's working already. He already has a job and has been since April.
That's where like the anger part of me tries to stay at bay and that he's already been punished. Like even though he was in a level one prison, it's not a cakewalk like by far. He wasn't in a
with family, so nobody chooses that. That in itself is lower barriers or not. It's.
No, it's not a cakewalk. People are not nice there. He's working like three to four hours a day doing something that you or I would never wanna do for 12 cents an hour. We had 15 minute phone calls if we were lucky. Each day monitored email was, he had to pay for email.
But, yeah. Not a fun way to live
I experience. So this is
yeah.
story of incarceration, it's also a love story to me. One, the way your community showed up for you is a love story at your time of need, and you who's been a helper accepted help and support
Totally beautiful. And for you and your husband. What you say, that he has been punished and it's not my job to punish him. you have a story of forgiveness in any long-term relationship, especially marriage. We know I'm going on my 20th anniversary is just a story of forgiveness over and over again for both
Yeah.
doing such stupid things and such hurtful things and making such wrong choices and not being there for each other in the right ways all the time.
Right?
those things in our head, right? Our tally of the things our spouse has done wrong,
That we have done wrong. We just have to have this audacious forgiveness to keep going.
keep going. Yeah.
story is. You've loved him and almost understood him from the beginning
Do it from where he
Okay.
Where he was at.
And the kind of person says why, how this would've happened, how he would've done, and that he is worthy of forgiveness
And you're
Yeah.
him. But
Yeah.
did a lot to you to carry alone. You repair, you're working on repairing with him,
You're carrying that load.
Yeah. It's not easy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
your identity changed as a wife, a woman, a friend, as a mother?
For a long time I felt like I was the, the prisoner's wife because I go to. School functions and I'd be the only one of the only ones, without a husband or I'd go to wherever, wherever, especially the school community 'cause it's smaller be it tailgates or this or that.
And it's just here I am again. I'm the, I'm the lone soldier, the prisoner's wife. But. That's come full circle. And for a while, John, once he got home, he was on parole, so he was on home confinement. He couldn't come out with me, so it still felt the same even though he was home and home confinement.
A lot of people don't realize it's more, a lot more strict than you realize. Like you can't step your foot out the door unless it's scheduled. So now he just got off. Recently, so now we can be out and about together. So it's much, it feels like there's a lot more normalcy now than there has been in two years.
So now I don't feel as labeled,
Like I used to be. But at some point I had to stop caring quite honestly, because people are gonna say.
A different community.
No, I just put my armor on every day and I will go to battle for my family through and through, whether that's for my kids or for him, because until you stepped a day in my shoes or you sit down to like really get to know us, then you have no place to talk or to judge.
That has beefed up for sure
Experience.
yeah.
Is reentry like for him and you?
It actually hasn't been that bad, like family-wise. We did a really fantastic job. I feel like as a family, really staying in touch. Even though those call, those calls are short and they're hard to get like the kids, involved. But we sent cards and pictures and really just tried to stay as in touch.
John and I would email quite a bit as far as what the kids were doing, what we were doing. That has gone really well. It was. The one thing that was hard is I feel like, because when you're on parole, you're so scheduled and you're worried about what you're doing when, and so I felt like my worries were different than his worries, but now we're on the same page with what's going on in the household and whatnot.
But reentry has been fine.
Happy
Yeah.
and the
Yeah, and he was in, since it was a barrier free facility, he like was in a bunk area, not a cell, so he could wander. They had 400 acres to be on, so he wasn't confined in a way like a lot of prisoners are. So he had a lot of room to roam and whatnot.
What was
And.
like with the kids and you,
Oh gosh, it was really weird and hard. So they meet like in a almost a big gymnasium area and there's vending machines and you sit in a pod, not area, but a pot of chairs. The prisoner sits always in the same spot within the pod, and then you sit around him they have to stay seated for the most part, unless they go to the restroom.
They wear a khaki uniform, like military uniform. So he was never in orange never seen him handcuffed. And so it's really just like it's. Mostly just very long for the kids to sit. It's from eight 30 to three, so it's just a really long day for the kids.
in that pod for that day.
Saturday and Sunday. Yeah. You can visit.
It's only on the weekends. Yeah, so we would go and do it for two days because seven hours,
it.
Then
Yeah.
the like anticipation so high, yay. We get to see dad
Is he's like our you know, person we never
Yeah.
he's a celebrity. This is so exciting.
Yeah
this is so boring.
I know. Yeah, I know. Because they're like, they don't have their phones. They don't have, yeah,
At that age?
Just
But we did. You can play games like we would play chess and Checkers and Uno and they have all kinds of games and you can color and there's vending machines. So
You're just trying to enjoy
we would,
in
yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's how it was actually like way more comfortable than it could have been. Very clean. And so they would just, we all just like pig out on junk food essentially and visit, and then I. Yeah. And then go and wander around Morgantown, West Virginia for the night. Go see a movie or something.
And then but it was refreshing to see that there were other families like us when we were there. There were big kids, little kids all kinds of families that were just like us. And thank goodness John was able to form some really life-changing relationships, friendships while he was there.
Others that had committed white collar crimes and people that he has continued to stay friends with. Now that he's been released and they've been released, some good people that were mentors to him when he came in and people that he, that really helped him get through his time there.
It's really shocking to know that one in four families do deal with incarceration of a loved one. And that was a really shocking. Shocking statistic to me when we were going through this yeah.
I was gonna say community was so important for you and
The power of community. And I
Yeah.
you for anyone who's listening right now,
Like they're in the shadow of their partner's actions, let's say, what do you want them to hear from you? I.
Just
try to. Try to really focus on that person's true character and know that sometimes we make mistakes and to really try to work on repairing and mending that your relationship with them versus focusing on the mistake itself. Sitting in anger doesn't help with forward progression. And sitting in that.
Shame and judgment while being angry isn't gonna help you in that stage. And so I would really just suggest that, you both get maybe some individual health and then also some some couples help with that. Because it does really help. Yeah. Yeah. Just compassion and empathy and we all find ourselves in places we don't wanna be in.
And so I think although it's had such an impact on me, I just find strength and have hope that, we've been through the worst of it, and now it's time for us to move forward. Yeah.
so much healing has already happened, it
Yeah.
honestly, it sounds like you're better than before,
Yeah.
has to come out to address the issues that were being avoided and ignored again, because of protection and.
And I do, I've ha I have said to some people around me like I love him more now than I did before because I see him in a different lens than I did before. And he's really I asked him to do before, peeled that onion back, and I really see more of his true character now than I did before, because he's not harboring what he was for the last however many years.
And you've overcome this together.
yeah. Yeah.
When we started this call, you admittedly were nervous. Because you hadn't talked about it. And I said, why? And I wanted to give you an out. You don't, we don't have to do this. You don't have to have this call. You could be anonymous. We don't have to say your name.
Like,
Right.
we make this safe for you and or do you wanna just call the whole thing off?
Right.
And so I said, why do it? you said some really powerful things about shame and storytelling. Will you that question for us now? Why? Why tell your story?
I think storytelling is so powerful. In other work that I do, we say. You know about with mental health, like storytelling saves lives and I think storytelling is so therapeutic. And when you share your secrets, it really breaks down that barrier of shame and stigma. And so I just really wanted to share this story for other people that are going through something like this or encountering.
Something scary or shameful in their life because you can pull from the strength of my story, hopefully, and just know that these feelings aren't gonna last forever. And by, by sharing your secrets, it just reduces the amount of shame that you may feel. So don't be afraid to share with somebody who you can confide in.
Yeah.
much. That's so
Yeah.
the human story. Of
Light and talking about it and going back and helping somebody that's going through it. And we've
Yeah.
for sure, we're able to overcome them. We don't have to live there in our mistake and we don't have to judge ourself or keep punishing ourself as
And that's what's so important is to move forward and so many people will say, I'd be so mad at him. I, I want a divorce. But it's so much easier said than done. And I never envisioned a life without John and I still don't. And are there times, yeah. But in the grand scheme of things I wanna do this together.
I wanna rebuild our life together. And did I ever imagine my life this way? No, but we're gonna fix it and we're gonna, will I ever forget? No, but I'm gonna forgive and I'm gonna move forward and we're gonna make it better. And I think that's just really important. So
It's beautiful. It sounds like a love story to me. Thank you, Stacy, for sharing with us. We appreciate you
thank you.
It's a beautiful story and you shared it so bravely and so beautiful and I
Thanks. Thank you, Heather.
