Last year at this time I was 6 months sober. The longest I had ever been sober before this was 5 months a year or so prior. When I hit the 6 month mark I felt incredibly proud that I had quit drinking for that long. I was also very scared because I hit my goal and everything beyond was new territory. I was afraid of my own self sabotage. I still felt one drink away. All. The. Time.
I was sober, but I still was not good enough. I got sober, but I hadn’t lost any weight. My house was not in perfect order. My family didn’t get the memo about my incredible new behavior and they did not hand me any gold stars. I didn’t have sober friends. I didn’t know how to celebrate myself.
I did feel transformed in a way. I knew I was on a path to changing generational patterns. I had saved a lot of money. I hated myself less. There was much improvement but my emotions were still so intense. I spent my 6 month soberversary on the couch crying.
Today I am a year away from my 6 month milestone at 1.5 months sober. I am not one drink away from anything. The drink (and the thinking about drinking) is in the rearview mirror somewhere. I have moved so far beyond it.
I haven’t lost any weight, but I ran 13 miles for the first time in 10+ years a few weeks ago. I look fantastic. I learned the right weight is actually a fit and not a number. It turns out I am exactly the right fit for me!
My house is in order-ish. I accept that we actually live here. Sometimes, I decide to just relax in my house and read a book right there in the middle of our imperfection, instead of worry.
I started a Sober Meet Up Group. I have inspired some friends to do a sober challenge. I have reconnected with some sober-ish people from my past. I created a Digital Class to help others through the first 6 weeks of getting sober, so I will have more sober friends with each passing day.
I became a business owner exactly 6 months ago. All signs indicate toward continued growth and success every single day. There really is no worse case scenario. I have eventually stopped even trying to come up with one. I trust my path and I know that I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Two of my biggest life dreams are coming true. In this lifetime I wanted to become a published writer and to go to Africa. I have published a handful of articles in the last few weeks and I have a plane ticket to Africa next month.
If I can say anything, it is to keep going. Please keep going. It gets so much better.
I can’t believe I got through the hard part. It was so hard you guys. Even last year at 6 months sober I look back at my journal and I remember how scared I was. I didn’t fit into my new identity yet. My feelings were too intense. My relationships were still in recovery from my drinking days. There was so much unknown and I was afraid and so vulnerable.
At 1.5 years I am not afraid of myself anymore. I am not going to self sabotage. I believe in me. I know how to self soothe. I know how to cope. I would never ignore how I feel. I trust my intuition. I am still getting stronger in myself everyday. I do not hate myself. I don’t let the voices in my mind talk to me that way. I am taking care of me. I know exactly how to celebrate me. I will take the dog for a walk with a friend, eat ice cream, take a nap, and shout it from the rooftops to all my new sober internet friends that TODAY I AM 1.5 YEARS SOBER! I will accept all compliments and cheer with a grateful heart.
I have never in my life felt better.
It was worth every painful step and sometimes crawl, forward 6 months ago, a year ago, every single day I had to go through to get me to this point.
People do change, transformation happens over time, feelings (and cravings, triggers and urges) are temporary. And at 1.5 years sober I am still on my couch crying this morning, but they are happy tears, because holy cow...WE DO RECOVER!