Leap of Faith-Dance of Africa

The key to making my dreams come true, was ditching the drink. 

Consuming wine every night, even in moderate amounts, was keeping me small.

Drinking left me with a depressed and desperate feeling.

Recovering from drinking left me feeling anxiety and fear.

I was not living my dream life by any stretch of the imagination. 

I was caught in a loop of feeling bad about drinking and then drinking to stop feeling bad. 

Wine temporarily took the edge off,  but in the long term, drinking left me feeling ashamed, fatigued, and consumed. 

My tolerance and dependence on wine snuck up on me and took me by surprise. 

Once my drinking became too big of an issue to ignore, I made the decision to remove alcohol from my life. This was painful at first, as any change is. It wasn’t a straight line to sobriety. My husband warned me, our whole life would change. He was right. 

My whole life has changed in the past 600 days. Some of it has been incredibly uncomfortable, as transformations are.

In my drinking cycle I could never have imagined possibility of the inner peace I feel now, that I am living in alignment.

Today I celebrate the beauty in my growth.

My lifelong dreams since childhood were to be a mom, a writer, a dancer, and to visit Africa. 

Since I quit drinking, I have become a more present and intentional mother. I am able to connect at a deeper level with my kids. I am able to show myself wholly and honestly instead of skipping along the parameters. I have more to give.    

Journalling was a key tool in my recovery. I write every day, sometimes people read it. Sometimes my writing gets published. This gives me thrill. 

Tomorrow, I will take off on a plane for my dream trip to Africa. I can't believe this dream is actually about to come true! 

Let me tell you something about making your wildest dreams come true. It is first met with fear. There is so much to be nervous about when you start living the life of your dreams. It is unfamiliar territory and anything can go wrong. It is much easier to just fantasize than to take action on these dreams.  

Becoming a mother was terrifying. It was entry into a very unknown world and there was no rule book. 

Sharing my writing and opening myself up for criticism makes me incredibly vulnerable, once it has been read, I can't take it back. 

Hopping on a flight to land ½ way across the planet is scary.  

In some ways, we hope that dreams stay dreams just because they give us comfort that way. 

The controlling perfectionist part of me is worried that my big dream trip won’t be good enough.

Something will be missing.

I won’t do it right. 

What if it's not the way I pictured it? 

Staying flexible is not one of my strong points. 

There is a comfort in mediocrity and fear of success. 

My desire is to dance freely when my feet hit the African soil. 

I am wound so tight to this thought that I am paralyzed and unable to dance. 

If I am unable to dance here and now, how can I possibly expect myself to dance there? 

How will my dream of dancing in Africa come true?

I will tell you its already come true, because I have seen it in my mind’s eye. 

I have started practicing in my mirror to prepare. The practice of dance is not having the right moves. It is a practice of closing my eyes and letting the music move through me. Its is the practice of releasing, the practice of being, the practice of accepting myself right where I am, dancer or not. 

As a monkey swings from one tree to another, she must let go of where she is, to get to where she is going. Visualizing is key. 

When you visualize what you don’t want, or the outcomes you fear, you feel anxiety. Anxiety leads to paralysis.

When you visualize what you do want and the outcomes that excite you, you feel anticipation. Anticipation leads to energy. 

Allow yourself to be led by your dreams instead of pushed by your problems. 

The keys to living the life of your dreams: 1-stop playing small 2- Commit to removing the habits keeping you on the same loop/rut 3- Push past your fears and visualize creating the moments you dream of. Stay flexible about how they happen, and recognize them when they do. 

Here’s to making your wildest dreams come true. By the time this is published, I will be sleeping in a jungle treehouse and dancing with the monkeys. Or not.

Either way, it will be my dream come true, because I will be there accepting myself exactly as I am.