I got happy and sad news at the same time yesterday. First, a phone call revealed that my friend, Tracy, who had been bravely battling cancer for 3+ years, had passed away. Then I received a text from a previous client, who just celebrated three years of being alcohol-free, I considered the three-year timing for them both. My client chose to live in her most awakened state by ditching the drink and doing the necessary and sometimes painful work to get there. My friend Tracy worked towards living to her fullest potential while preparing for and accepting her departure, doing the necessary and sometimes painful work to get there. Thinking about these loved ones and their journey these last three years was very sobering, to say the least. 

Where will I be three years from now? Where will you go? We don't know all that is around the corner for us. What I do know is that I have never regretted ditching the drink. I wasn’t really living when I was drinking. I was...

In 2019, I was one year sober and between jobs.

I was interviewing for new positions and about to get offers from some companies for similar roles that I had in the past. I sold HR solutions for most of my adult life. I was qualified for roles like this. Although I could do these jobs and I often do them very well, even receiving awards as a top performer of all time and achieving the highest status as a director for the highest producing team, they were not roles that made my heart sing. I was also laid off more than once, and even if it wasn't personal, the feeling of rejection sure felt traumatic to me. 

I always felt like something was missing. Was this it? My husband used to say going to work was never going to be as good as going on vacation, and although my jobs were mostly fine, I just had a hunch there was something better out there for me. These roles were good for my ego, my resume, and my bank account, but not so good for my soul. I never got so happy that I wanted...

I’ve been a coach for five years. I partner with a top rated credentialing authority to recruit, train, and mentor other coaches. With a degree in social work, I started as a skeptic when it came to the world of coaching. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t think I needed a measly coaching certificate when I already had a four year degree in helping people. 

I started with a Udemy certificate in Law of Attraction Coaching. This is regularly criticized for not being ‘real training,” but it’s how I got my start. It was a ten-ish hour online training. At the time, I understood the coaching industry was unregulated, and yet, I wanted some certifying agency to give me a quick stamp of approval to call myself a coach. I wasn’t ready to invest more, and I didn’t know where to start. I think it cost me $30. It did not teach me the necessary protocols and high standards of coaching, but it did get me started in learning about...

I want to be frank with you. There is no award to be won for being alcohol-free with the least amount of support possible. I know that's how we all try to do it. Me too. Like a middle schooler waiting for the bus in 30 degree weather with no jacket. We’re the cool kids. We’re good. We don’t need a coat. We’re strong, independent women. We don’t want any help. We got it. We GOT it okay?! Now leave us alone. 

Except, sister, you don’t really get it. You keep trying to get it. You start with the easiest possible way to do it. A way to attempt without fail. A way to try without overcommitting. You’re smart like that. I get it. So you try a short challenge. A free 5-day fix. And maybe you succeed, or maybe you say that was so dramatic. You forgot about the book club on Tuesday, so you’ll just drink on day 3 of the 5-day challenge. It was free. You tried. Who cares?

Success! 3 days alcohol-free. Then it’s back to the...

It’s all about balance, they say, and that might be true for many things; however, there's no reason to find balance with alcohol. Alcohol is an addictive substance that creates dependence; you are not missing out on any internal happiness or joy by not consuming it.  

I am all for being mindful, intentional, and prioritizing awareness, health, and wellbeing, but there’s a problem when it comes to terms like conscious consumption and mindful drinking. In short, they are oxymorons. 

I am the last person to want to tell you this. I wanted to believe for years, as a wine drinker, that alcohol was good for me. I wanted to know about the grapes and the soil they came from. I wanted to know the region and the year. I wanted to believe desperately that I wasn’t dependent on alcohol, and it was an empowering choice that I was making to free myself from rules and responsibilities. I thought alcohol was one of my great pleasures in life. I did not want to see...

I am sharing a few examples of how to honor Black History Month.

I try to do many of these things year-round. Black History Month serves as a nice reminder to evaluate my efforts and add to them as well. I hope you can implement and add to these ideas. 

Consider the source here. I am a white woman who grew up in a small white town in Wisconsin. I went to a mostly white college in Wisconsin, too. Growing up, I could count the number of black friends I had on three fingers. My black friends were all adopted by white families. I can't change this fact, and I am not an expert on this matter. I do care to broaden my world, so I try to mostly listen when it comes to this topic.

After college, I moved to Chicago. I currently live on a street that you could compare to Sesame Street. No family is the same when it comes to race, religion, ethnicity, abilities, sexual orientation, age, and more. My children are growing up with much more diversity, and we are all benefiting from it. As a...

I turned 6 years sober yesterday. It was anticlimactic and tranquil. This was a big change from the previous year, when I had an absolute meltdown over my five year milestone. 

You can read about it in these blogs:

5 Years Sober, A New Home Inside of Me

5 Years Sober, Here's What I Wish I Knew on Day 1

5 Years Sober and I Want a Glass of Wine

And all previous annual milestone posts are here:

Reflections on 4 Years Sober

3 Years Sober is Luxury, not Deprivation

Reflections on 2 Years Alcohol Free

I Have An Announcement To Make - 1 Year Sober

I knew my soberthday milestone was coming up, and I was looking forward to it. I am used to feeling an onslaught of dramatic emotions leading up to sober milestones, but this one felt like it was quietly sitting in the background. Happily. Content. Not demanding a lot of attention or fanfare as it has in the past. I know better than to rest on my laurels, so I decided to withhold any conclusions until the day had...

My husband and I went to City Winery for a 10,000 Maniacs show last night. After a comedy of errors in our dinner plans, we decided to eat at the venue. We did not want to be the first people at the show, so first, we enjoyed dinner in the adjoining restaurant. We got a cute little table right next to the big, roaring fireplace. We had fun ordering a bunch of little plates and sharing. Truffle fries and burrata. Lox flatbread and kale Caesar salad. I had an NA sangria to drink. It was a bunch of tart fruit juices. It looked like an aperol spritz, and it came in a pretty glass. My husband had an Athletic Brew beer. We ended with chocolate mousse and coffee.

Then we headed to the concert room. The seats and tables are really close together at this venue, making for an intimate concert experience. As the name implies, wine is obviously a big theme. The space is full of bottles and barrels as decor. The establishment gives away a signed bottle from the band. Right down the...

One thing that prevented me from addressing my complicated relationship with alcohol for so long was the fear of social stigma. I was also afraid to fail, but I was more afraid of success. If I quit drinking, then what? Then, actually, what? 

I would no longer fit into my social circles. I risked rejection and losing friendships. I would feel ostracized and excluded. I would be left out, alone, misunderstood, and judged. I would not fit into my 20-year marriage anymore. 

My husband and I met at a bar. We were party people. It’s part of what attracted us to each other. It wasn’t fair to him that I was considering changing the game for us without warning. This wasn’t what he signed up for. I was so ashamed. 

I was scared that I would not fit into my neighborhood, my friend group, my happy hour work crew, or any other group or activity I have ever done or ever wanted to do because I would no longer be drinking. I would lose the nearly four decades of...

Hi, I'm Heather, an award-winning sober life coach with five years of experience working with high-achieving women. I am also an Enneagram 3 Achiever. I have had the privilege to support executives in top leadership positions, recognized political figures, busy mothers, teachers, artists, doctors, and even a few celebrities or people in the public eye. For many high-achieving women, the pressure to maintain a demanding lifestyle can sometimes lead to unhealthy habits, including excessive drinking. 

High-achieving women often find themselves juggling multiple responsibilities, whether it be excelling in their careers, managing households, or pursuing personal passions. While ambition and dedication are commendable traits, they can also contribute to stress and a desire to unwind, often through the consumption of alcohol. Many of my clients use alcohol as a way to turn off their active brains, give themselves permission to stop working, dial down the pressure, and take a...